The Masks We Wear

All are us have a variety of masks that each of us wears daily. These may be the identities that have been given to us, or ones that we have assumed over time.

As long as we recognize that what we wear is a mask we all are right. But when the mask becomes the seeming reality for us, then our troubles begin. We confuse the mask with the person, and if we are consummate enough actors, so do those around us. Gradually the mask becomes a trap, and we become the mask (as the performers did in the ancient Greek plays who would utter their lines while holding a mask in front of their faces).

Not every use of a mask is negative, however. Masks can help us build our own defenses for the time we need them. They can give us power, or at least the illusion of power, in a time when we may feel powerless. As long as the masks remain flexible and breakable, we can alter them at will, still realizing that we are not what we wear on our face as the mask we present to others.

Let us take one example of mask-wearing in Native American spirituality. Historically for the Hopi the masked Kachina dancers represented great importance and power. The kachinas are not gods, as such, but rather the spirits of plants, animals, minerals, weather (and of anything else that exists). According to Frank Waters in his book, BOOK OF THE HOPI, a person who obeys the laws of the Creator and conforms to the patterns laid down by the Creator during his/her life becomes a Kachina when he or she dies. The Kachina can then come back periodically with other kachinas to help the people still on the earth. [This, of course, bears a very strong resemblance to the concept of guardian angels and spirit helpers from western religions]. There are over five hundred different kachinas that have been identified so far.

In his book THE WAY OF THE SHAMAN, Michael Harner notes that the dancers wearing the masks of the Kachina gods are not just impersonating those gods. In the dancing, drumming, and other activities, an altered state of consciousness is achieved in which the dancer becomes the Kachina god, at least for a short time. Likewise, in our own lives, we become our masks. The main difference is that the person wearing the Kachina mask knows that he or she is wearing the mask. When we wear our own masks, we often don't realize that we are wearing a mask at all.

What do I mean by wearing such a mask? Let's say you have a job in which you don't care for your boss at all, but you still need the job and want to keep it. Whenever the boss comes around you will be polite, probably smile, and say the proper things that you know your boss wants to hear. You are wearing a mask: the mask of the compliant worker.

In my job as a teacher, I had to wear masks. Sometimes I had to be very stern with the students when I didn't necessarily want to be that way: thus I wore the mask of the disciplinarian task-master. Yet I also had to wear the compliant worker mask for the school administrators. When meeting the parents, at times I had to wear a very subservient mask, and tell parents positive things about their children, even if there really weren't many positive things to say about them at all.

I also had to wear the mask of knowledge. This mask changed from year to year as the subjects I was assigned changed. Thus I had to prepare for and wear masks of knowledge for: anatomy & physiology; astronomy; biology; computer literacy, earth science, environmental science; health, introduction to high school science; introduction to physical science, zoology and various other subject masks.

We may also wear masks for our spouses; children; relatives. We may wear numerous masks within the course of a single day. And yet where is the real us? It is very easy to get lost amid a closet-full of masks.

So the following is a small ceremony you can do to recognize the masks you wear, and to give you power over them.

MASKING AND UNMASKING

You will need a hand mirror, and the kind of theatrical paint that can be easily removed from your skin.

1. Get into your work area, and smudge the area and yourself. Calm your thoughts and focus your attention.

2.Pick up the mirror and look into it. What do you see? Who do you see? Is your face frowning? Happy? Without expression? Does your physical face show lines of worry and care? Aging? Contentment? Look carefully at your physical face, and see the physical you.

3.Lean the mirror against something so you can work with both your hands. Take a moment to choose one of the masks that you wear during a typical day: compliant worker, happy spouse, whatever. Now take the theatrical paint and paint your face with whatever design you are moved to use to represent that mask. Use as many or few lines as you wish. Use circles, boxes, triangles, any designs at all, as long as they represent to you what that mask looks like. In this case, you will see your mask on both the physical and the spiritual levels.

4. Acknowledge that you are wearing a mask when you have finished.Think for a bit about why you choose to wear that mask, and what effects wearing that mask have on you. What effects does wearing that mask have on other people that you meet while wearing it?

5. Now take water or whatever is needed and wash off the mask. Get off all the lines, designs, and symbols. Dry your face. What do you now see? You see your physical face. You have removed your mask! You have the power to remove that mask any time that you wish. It may not be as easy removing the spiritual mask as it was to remove the painted mask, but it can be done if you desire to do it.

6. If you feel you need to, paint your face to represent some of the other masks that you wear during the day. With each one, study the mask, and determine what effects wearing that particular mask have on you and on others. Then wash the mask off, and wipe it away. Realize that these, too, are masks that you determine you will wear (for how long, and that you will control whether or not you wear the mask at all).

7. When concluded, spend some time absorbing all that you have thought and done during this exercise, then go do something that you really like to do to give the entire experience a very positive ending.

I hope you enjoyed this short series about Masks. It was interesting to me and I can always learn something new for my day. I hope you learned something too.

Bear Hugs!

PolarB ;)

Are we all wearing masks?

June 25, 2007

Tom Friedman, in his article "Behind the Masks"makes the observation, in speaking about the conflict between Hamas and Fatah that the two reasons people wear masks are to inflict fear and to hide from shame. In our society, he notes, only the burglars, the rapists and the KKK wear masks.

But are we not all wearing masks?

Adin Steinsalts, the renowned author and philosopher, says in his book Simple Words that we do. He believes that we always play one role at one time and another role at another time, but we wear masks almost all the time. We humans are never completely naked. It is part of human nature. We assume roles that may sometimes not really be who we are. We also deeply care about how others see us and want to protect that image especially if it is positive!

However, the anonymity that a mask provides can also facilitate deception and allow negative behavior. Masks are also used during carnivals, when behind a mask a respectable citizen can ignore conventional rules of behavior and act inappropriately. Some people who behave very properly in society become anti-social behind the wheel. It was suggested that if the names of drivers were displayed on every vehicle, we would have more responsible driving.

Kimlyn Bender (winner of the Elie Wiesel prize on ethics) in her article "The Masks: The Loss of Moral Conscience and Personal Responsibility." points out that in the Lord of the Flies, Jack, the main protagonist found a freedom behind the mask that allowed him to commit "savage acts" which otherwise, his moral conscience would not allow.

Our behavior is often linked to our sense of identity. By wearing a mask we can try to hide our identity from others and falsely believe that we are no longer accountable.

Looking at ourselves in the mirror is probably a rare moment when we are not wearing a mask. It can also engage our conscience and allow a change in behavior.

As the Dalai Lama wrote in "Ethics for the New Millennium:

"I'm looking at the man in the mirror, I'm asking him to change his ways..."

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ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU WEAR MASKS

People in various kinds of recovery groups would tell you that the first step to healing is to admit that you have a problem. I am proud of you that you have done that. I think that everyone wears masks sometimes, by the way - and we need to establish this fact not so that we go a guilt trip about it, but so that we can begin to remove them. So here are some questions - When, and with whom, do you wear masks? Is it with friends? A certain group or groups of friends? At school? At home? With adults?

We need to recognize those situations in our lives where we are wearing masks and doing something that doesn't reflect who we really are. Once we have the self-awareness of these particular situations, we can deal with them. I think a lot of people continue to wear masks without even realizing it because they haven't really thought about the areas of their life where they wear masks.

WHY WE WEAR MASKS

There can be various reasons why people wear masks. For most people it is the fear that other people - mainly friends - will reject the real person behind the mask. Others wear masks to hide hurt, low self-esteem, or anger. Spend some time exploring why you wear a mask. What are you afraid of? Does wearing a mask keep you from being hurt? Does it truly raise your self-esteem or keep you from being angry? If you are wearing a mask to keep from being hurt or to hide anger, find healthy ways to let go of that hurt or anger. Talk to someone you trust, write down your feelings in a journal, talk honestly to God in prayer, write a poem, go to Confession, or combine some of these things. Find out what works for you. And keep doing it!

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU LIKE TO DO

Can you remember a time when you were younger and when you didn't wear masks? What were you like then? Many people struggle with the mask of being a follower and doing what other people want them to do, rather than being themselves. What do you really like to do? Are there certain hobbies/sports/activities that you really like? Rediscover these. If you are not sure, you might want to begin experimenting with healthy and fun activities that sound interesting to you. Join a club, play a sport, volunteer for a charitable organization - all of these are great ways to meet new people, develop new interests, and rediscover who you really are. Even if certain people may not consider these activities "cool", all that really matters is that you like them.

A teenager I know once wrote this about joining clubs, "That is one of the easiest ways I have found to make friends who are mask-free, because you don't have to mask anything since everyone has the same interest. Also, one of the ways that worked for me was attending a youth group. It doesn't even have to be his/her church youth group; just whatever youth group the person feels comfortable and accepted in."

REMOVE MASKS SLOWLY

If you hang out with people who wear masks, walking away suddenly would be a shock to your system as well as theirs. However, if you recognize that you have been wearing masks and realize that you can't completely be yourself around these so-called friends, hopefully you'll desire less and less to be with such people. Slowly start finding friends who let you be yourself, even if they aren't the coolest in school. If they accept you completely, they are the coolest - the coolest friends you can have. Don't completely run from your old friends, but start to be more honest with them. If they exclude you when you try to be yourself, walk away. Realize it may hurt to lose their "friendship" and that it may be awkward-but they aren't good friends if they exclude the real you.

Try being the nice one in the crowd; continually try to be mask-free with them. If they blow you off or make fun of you for this (sticking up for people or for being nice), then that is truly their problem. When you start making better friends, spend more time with them. Find people who will stand up for you and people you want to stand up for. Realize that many other people, even your own friends, struggle with masks. Sometimes all it takes is for one person to be honest about it, and that allows the whole group to start to make changes.

HANG OUT WITH YOUR FAMILY MORE

Hopefully, you can at least be yourself at home. If so, try to think of fun activities that you and your parents/siblings can do together. Maybe you could even ask your folks if you could have a brainstorming meeting to think of fun family activities. They know you best and can help you be your best.

CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS WISELY

A wise friend of mine once said, "Show me your friends, and I'll show you your future." Start trying to be open to more people, maybe even those not accepted in the ‘cool' crowd. Try to stop putting masks on other people; a part of trying to be mask-free is to stop judging other people. Give lots of people a chance to be a good friend of yours. I have talked to many people who have labeled others inaccurately and who have found out later that a person they thought to be very ‘uncool' ended up being a great friend!

Pray to God that he will lead you to people who will treasure you and love you as you are. Start looking for people who might be in a similar situation as you. Youth groups and youth Masses are great places to look because young people there are usually trying to be mask-free, too.

I hope that there are people in your life who don't wear masks, or at least some who don't wear them very often. Hang out with these people! Countless teens have shared with me that a grandparent, parent, or older relative is one of the most mask-free people that they know. Life is short, so take advantage of any opportunity you might have to spend time with the people you most admire, even if it is just an occasional lunch meeting.

KEEP PRAYING

Finally, I really encourage you to really pray to God for help. Every morning or before walking into a crowd of people, ask God to give you the courage to simply be yourself. At the end of the day, before falling asleep, in prayer, ask God how you did that day. If you did wear masks in certain situations, ask for His forgiveness for not being true to the person He created you to be. But if you were honest and true to yourself, especially in a tough situation, thank Him for giving you courage. God truly wants us to be free of masks and able to be ourselves at all times. He has helped many amazing people to find incredible friends who really love them - they aren't always the most popular and they range in age - but they all have great hearts. That's what is most important. God can help you recognize when you are wearing a mask and help you to not wear that mask. It's a struggle at times, but it is so worth it. Most people I know would gladly choose one hour with true friends over spending one year with fake ones. And never forget that God loves you. He loves you just as you are, at all times; and He sees through all those masks and knows your heart deeply. Let Him love you so that you can feel confident enough without any masks or phony friends.

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