I found this great article today and was thinking about how alot of women are people pleasers ( myself included sometimes) and how they disregard their own feelings over other people's wants and needs. I liked the article so well that I think it is worth posting. As women we could all use a bit of assertive training and to know and realize that standing up for yourself doesn't mean you are being a biotch. It means you are setting your own personal boundaries as to what is okay and what is not okay in how you are treated by others.
If Marge Simpson knew about assertiveness training for women, her life would be more fulfilling, adventurous and exciting. Here's how to be more assertive in your life.
Assertiveness training for women teaches you how to stand up for yourself. Even if you don't actually take an assertiveness class, it's important to know what assertiveness is.
Assertiveness training for women
Marge Simpson, wife of Homer Simpson and mother of Bart and Lisa, has lost her self identity. She hasn't learned to balance assertiveness with acceptance - which is why she explodes in anger every few shows. She needs some assertiveness training for women. Like many moms, her family takes her for granted and she folds under cultural expectations. She puts her family before everything, even her own self.
If you're putting everyone above your own needs, you may need some assertiveness training for women. Not taking care of yourself is similar to not standing up for yourself, and it can't be good for anybody. Neither is being a people pleaser.
Marge Simpson is a stereotypical sitcom mom -- and she's a passive one (which is why she needs assertiveness training). She flirts with gambling addictions, road rage, alcoholism, and shoplifting. She seems to have lost her self identity but keeps breaking out of her mold with brief forays into political activism, marriage counseling, police work, art, acting, sub teacher and novelist. You can just see that Marge would love assertiveness training for women!
Marge tries to break out of her rut, but always seems to fall back into who she "should" be. Wife, disciplinarian, mother – she supports her family, swallows her opinions and frustrations, and keeps the house clean. She doesn't stand up for herself, and she's definitely a people pleaser.
Assertiveness training for women like Marge Simpson
"Couldn't she just take his abuse with gentle good humor?" Marge asks the director of the play. Yes, she could – but if she doesn't learn to be more assertive, she'll lose her soul. She needs assertiveness training for women.
In one episode, Marge plays Blanche duBois to Ned's Stanley in A Streetcar Named Desire; during rehearsal Marge couldn't summon the passion to threaten Stanley with a broken bottle. Her fallback position – in both reality and on stage – is accepting all circumstances with gentle good humor. It doesn't matter if it's emotional abuse or ignoring her dreams to paint portraits: she passively accepts her life as others shape it. When she asked her husband Homer why he couldn't be more supportive, he replied, "Because I don't care." And she let it go because that's what Marge does. Like many people pleasers, she lets things go.
Homer's words, by the way, are a good example of emotional abuse.
How to stand up for yourself
There's some Marge Simpson in all of us – it could be a tiny bit or a huge chunk - and we could all use some assertiveness training for women. Some of us are Marge personified: eager people pleasers. Women in particular seem to naturally need to smooth conflict, ease pain, and not make waves. We embody acceptance, not assertiveness. Sometimes we even make excuses for abuse and defend the abusers. Maybe it's because we don't recognize emotional abuse when we hear it (such as Marge letting Homer's statement go); perhaps it's because we don't know how to stand up for ourselves or assert ourselves successfully. Maybe we feel guilty or afraid.
Regardless of why it's difficult to speak up, we can find the balance between gentle good humor (acceptance) and standing up for ourselves (assertiveness). Maybe formal assertiveness training for women would help; maybe just practicing being assertive is enough.
How to Practice Being Assertive (informal assertiveness training for women)
Your rights and feelings are just as important as other people's – and their feelings and opinions are no less important than yours. Assertiveness training for women is about valuing others and treating them fairly, hearing their opinions and sharing your own. Being assertive is about respecting mutual rights, and not resorting to manipulation, deceit, or abuse. Learning how to stand up for yourself won't destroy others' rights. Assertiveness training for women is having the self confidence to be yourself.
Clarify what you want. Don't retreat into silence or bully other people; rather tune in to your wants and needs and make requests. Being assertive means being clear. Learning how to stand up for yourself means being honest.
Assertiveness training for women teaches you how to:
say "no"
have an opinion, and express it
express your feelings
decide how to spend your time
change your mind
make your own decisions
make mistakes and forgive yourself
Assertiveness training for women involves standing up for yourself while respecting other people. Maybe we chuckle at how Homer Simpson treats Marge – after all it's "only" an animated TV show that satirizes all aspects of North American culture – but we don't have to live that way.
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no ones definition of your life. Define yourself.
~Harvey Fierstein ~
Why do you allow people to talk to you like that?
Is there a sign on your forehead that gives people permission to talk to you in an unacceptable manner?
I am reminded of a conversation I had with a friend of mine who constantly complained about her boss from hell! She told me that her boss never passed up the chance to talk down to her and criticize her in full view of her co-workers. The feelings of shame that overcame her after those episodes made her feel so “small” and belittled to the point where she felt completely helpless.
Trips to the Human Resource department had proved fruitless and only led to more trouble with the boss. The situation with her boss had eroded her self-esteem and left her feeling terribly frustrated and unhappy. Her life at work had become a nightmare and that nightmare had begun to affect her relationships and her life at home.
She knew she had to put a stop to this madness but could not muster the courage to deal with the situation. So she let it “eat away” at her, deprive her of sleep, stress her out and totally throw her life out of balance. For some reason, she just could not stand up for herself.
Why was she putting up with it? She gave me a long list of valid and invalid reasons about why she could not just quit her job including the fact that the economy was in bad shape and that she had bills to pay! I totally understood her position because sometimes you really can’t afford to just pack up and leave. You have to weigh the situation, make informed choices and then make the right decisions for you. You can’t keep running away all the time either, so you have to learn to deal with the situation.
Sometimes people get caught between a rock and a hard place and need to build an extra muscle to help them survive the situation while waiting for better opportunities to come along. I call it the “stand up for yourself muscle.”
This muscle is your voice. It allows you to speak up for yourself and express your opinion in a manner that doesn’t infringe on others while still making your position clearly known. It represents your truth and allows you to be in integrity with yourself.
When you speak up for yourself in this manner, you are being assertive and you are standing up for yourself.
One day, I received a phone call from my friend in the scenario above. She told me that one afternoon, during an “episode” at work; she asked her boss in a firm but polite tone “could we please have this conversation in private?” Her boss was taken aback but nonetheless agreed to her request. Fortunately that was the beginning of a new phase in my friend’s life. She had just developed her “stand up for yourself muscle!”
Just like my friend, you too must be the first flicker of hope in your life and the engine of change in your situation. The change must begin with how you perceive yourself. It requires courage and self-love.
Speaking up for yourself doesn’t necessarily mean being confrontational. You can learn to deal with conflict without being aggressive. One simple step you can take to help you find your voice and build your assertive muscle is to learn how to say NO! Let people know when something is unacceptable and when your rights are being violated. Don’t feel guilty or explain why you said NO because you have a right to say NO.
Don’t lose your sanity, find your voice, speak up, stand up for yourself and enjoy your life today!
I woke up this morning wide eyed and bushy tailed... okay well maybe not bushy tailed, but I did wake up feeling refreshed and alive! I have been sleeping so good and restful the last few weeks and it feels so good. I bought a new pillow over the weekend and I really like it. Plus my covers are just feeling so warm and cozy that it feels so good and comforting crawling into bed at night. I almost hate getting out of bed in the mornings!
Today it is raining and I love days like this, especially when I don't have plans to do something outside. I know the rains are nourishing the grounds for my flowers and blooms and that is A-ok with me. I love the sound of rain, especially when I am sleeping. It is such a peaceful sound. I love hearing it fall on the roof gentle in that steady rythmic sound. I think it comes from a good memory when I was a kid.
When I was about 7 years old, there was a family that wanted to adopt me. My father would go over and do work for a neighbor of theirs and he would often take me with him. I didn't live with my father at the time however he would come and get me and I would tag along with him when he worked or went places. While he worked, I would go next door and play with this family's son Robbie. He was a few years older than me and we got along good. I got to know the family well and they liked me visiting them. They asked if they could take me on a family vacation camping and my father and aunt who I was living with at the time said yes.
I had never been camping before so it was a big adventure for me. They had a nice travel trailer camper and my bed was going to be the top bunk bed. How cool was that! Anyway I thought it was so neat being able to cook outside and play and climb on rocks and in creeks with Robbie. We had a blast and played hard. The thing I remember most of all though is at night sleeping on that top bunk and the sound of rain as it hit the roof of the camper. It was such a neat sound and so relaxing. Kind of like a lullabye.
I've loved the sound of rain since then and it is no wonder as I am very in tune and connected to nature anyway. I've had that connection and nature has always been an oasis and soothing to me as a child and throughout my life. I love days that it rains especially in the Spring when you can have the window open and a slight breeze with the smell of rain drifting in the window as I lay on the bed relaxing and drifting off to a peaceful sleep.
Sometimes if I am stressed at work and it is raining I will go out at lunchtime and sit in my car, lay the seat back and close my eyes and just listen to the sound of the relaxing rain. Try it sometimes. You might like it too.
You know what's even better? Playing in the rain especially in the summertime. Rain falling on your face as you look up to the sky is so liberating. You remember doing it as a kid? Well just because you are an adult doesn't mean you can't feel that joyfulness again. It is good to let yourself go and play a bit. It is good for the soul.
Okay.... over the weekend I told you I shopped and that was fun fun fun! Well I cooked a pork roast in the slow cooker on Sunday and when that got done I pulled it out and shredded the whole thing to make a huge pot of BBQ. We had some for dinner last night and I have to tell you that was the best dang stuff I have made in a long time. Actually it was the first time I have ever made pork BBQ and I was very pleased with the results. Melt in your mouth, tastebuds doing a happy dance kinda meal! I was able to freeze two large portions of it for another time and we still have a bowl full to eat again this week. I added some coleslaw and greenbeans to the meal and it was downright satisfying.
This weekend I am going to make a pineapple upside down cake. The recipe is over at "What's Cooking In The Pot" on my Mrs Doubtfire's recipe blog if anyone is interested. The link in over to the right in my favorites list. Yep over there right where your eyeballs just looked.
I have been in a cooking mood lately which of course Lovie loves! She says to me... "I dunno how you expect me to eat all this stuff but I'll try." She says it with a grin so I know she is in heaven. She loves it when I cook. I made brownies for her last weekend and I think I have ate two of them. Needless to say they are all gone. It makes me happy to cook things for her and I love to do it. I am certainly glad I got my granny's genes when it comes to that.
Well peeps that's about it for the update. I hope you all had a fab St Paddy's day and enjoyed the festivities in a fun and safe way. Keep up the good work, and remember to have fun and take time to relax and play. Later kiddies!
Boy the parties are in full force here in our fair city and the Kegs and Eggs are being served up from 7am til 2 in the morning. Pitchers of green beer abound and rowdy Irishman are doing a jig in honor of St Pat's.
It was a busy day here. Lovie and I went shopping nearly all day long and my poor tootsies are feeling it! But I was in heaven taking in all the sites and shopping my little heart out. Yeah.... tax refunds arrived in the mail! YIPPEE!
The weather is shaping up and the sun will be shining more and more each day. I got a new computer game today and I can't wait to try it out, so while I do that... enjoy some good tunes.
The first one is Lovie's request. It is a song that has special meaning to her, so I told her I would post it specifically for her. The rest are songs are ones I love and that just give ya that happy go lucky feeling. Kind of like celebrating St Patrick's Day! You just never know when you might come across that pot of gold or what form it will take.
Have a great one and enjoy the tunes! Be safe and enjoy the wearing of the green. If somebody pinches ya, you have my permission to pinch em back!
Hello Peeps! It is bright and early here this morning and I had one too many margaritas last night but we had a blast! I got home rather late and I am soo thankful it is Friday! I know I am gonna be one tired puppy later today but it okay cause it's the weekend!! You ready for some questions???
Okay Gloria.... Last week you wanted questions and I promised I would have some for ya this week.... Have fun!
1. Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? 2. Does a kiss make you feel better? 3. Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in? 4. Would you rather be in a relationship or play the field? 5. What do you do when you first wake up? 6. What color is your shower curtain?
7. Have you ever had stitches? 8. How long ago did you hug someone? 9. Did you believe that boys/girls had cooties? 10. Do you know how to use chopsticks? 11. Lyrics stuck in your head? 12. Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of?
13. Have you ever given money to a homeless person? 14. Have you ever run over an animal? 15. What is your favorite cereal? 16. Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire? 17. Have you ever climbed up a water tower? 18. Do you talk in your sleep? 19. Have you ever gotten a mosquito bite on your face? 20. What are you afraid of?
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died Peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the Passengers in his car." --Author Unknown
"The problem with the designated driver program, it's Not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into Doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, Drop them off at the wrong house." --Jeff Foxworthy
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm Halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner." --Lynda Montgomery
Catching up!
Hello Peeps, I hope the sunshine is bright in your part of the world today. I know we have beautiful sunshine here and I know Spring is well on it's way. Last Saturday we got 15 inches of snow! The blizzard of 2008! It snowed for about 28 hours straight and just kept piling up. We haven't had this much snow and blizzard conditions since 1978! But as they say here in our fair city, don't blink because things will change real quick. Well thankfully we have sunshine and sunny skies with temps up in the 50's and expected to go to 60's this weekend. I am so grateful for the sunshine. Winter seasons have never been a favorite of mine because the gray overcast gloomy days affect my mood. I dislike being cooped up inside and I am not fond of the cold and dampness because it affects my body with aches and pains.The hazards of getting older I suppose. If I had the luxury of staying home and enjoying the season at my leisure I might like it better, however losing control of my vehicle and sliding all over the slick roads coated with ice and snow as I travel to and fro to work is not my cup of tea. Leaving in the dark at 5am in the morning and getting home at 6pm in the evening when darkness has set in again is not fun either. I like seeing the light of day and being able to be out in it making use of my daylight hours. I think fresh fallen snow is beautiful as long as I don't have to get out in it. I do love the quiet calm that falls over the universe when snow is falling and it is peaceful and almost magical. But still... I will take the sunshine and warmth any day over snow and cold.
I love being out in the fresh air. I love digging my hands into the rich earth and planting flowers and vegetables and herbs. I love the fragrance the warmer months bring. As the snow is melting at a good rate with the sun shining, it is preparing the grounds for new growth and a new season. I took a stroll around the yard and am pleased to report that buds are popping up everywhere. The trees and bushes have tiny little buds on them and will continue to growth and develop everyday. I can't wait for my lilies and my lilacs to bloom! I am already mentally making note of the things I need to do to prepare for the season. Cleaning out all the flower beds which is quite a feat as Lovie and I love flowers and creating new spaces for them. We have 18 different flower beds throughout our yard plus our vegetable garden and herb beds. I checked out my lavender plants I transplanted last year and they are doing splendidly. I will be able to reap the benefits of a wonderful fragrance this year and the butterflies and bees will enjoy them too. I told Lovie yesterday with a smile that I bet she can't wait to rev up the riding lawn mower. She grinned back and said I already thought about starting it up and taking her out for a spin. We are both in our glory being able to play outside in our gardens and our yard.
Another great benefit for me is getting out and getting moving! Riding our bikes along the country roads and taking hikes through the woods is a little slice of heaven. We have walking trails here at work too that my friends and I have been using during the lunch hour. Myself and four other girls have formed a support buddy system of encouraging each other to walk and get active not only here at work but at home as well. It has been going great and anytime I am out and actively moving and exercising my body, it helps to keep it feeling good and does wonders for my knee.
Tonight several friends from work and I are going to a place called the Cactus Pear for dinner and drinks. I've been there before and they always have great food and I love the live band that plays there. Jazz usually. The food is fabulously awesome and the company will be great too. One of the guys that is a buddy of mine is a DJ and the conversation is always lively and entertaining when he is around. He makes me laugh all the time and he is one of those people with a really good soul. My other friends are real treasures too and they each bring something unique to the relationship. My friend M is just as cute as a button. She recently went through a divorce several months ago which was tough on her. She is such a sweetheart and she just told me last week that she is dating another friend of mine who is such a cutie patootie. I've known him since he was fresh out of high school and wet behind the ears. It has been a pleasure watching him grow into the man he is today.They make a great couple and I am so happy for them. They both have been through some hardships in past relationships and I am very hopeful they will both find the love they deserve. She and I were discussing that last week and talking about how life sometimes takes a turn unexpectantly and you think the bottom has fallen out and then somehow, something so wonderful comes into your life and you realize it wasn't just one door closing but another door opening that is much better for you. How true that is. God works in mysterious ways that we don't always understand at the moment but if we hang in there and hold onto our faith and our trust, things will always work out exactly how they are supposed to.
Work is going better and as I get more information about the things I am taking care of and providing service for, it makes such a difference and the stress is easing up quite a bit. I suppose I should really take it as a compliment that my manager has the confidence in my ability that I can take on the added responsibilities with a good outlook and positive attitude. My managers and coworkers have always said that about me, that no matter what change or situation may be at hand, I remain positive and encouraging to those around me and I can always be depended upon to motivate our team. It is one of my strengths. So even though I may have felt like I was drowning and going under the past few weeks and I felt like I had no support anywhere, I will always persevere and take on new challenges and learnings with a positive upbeat attitude. I always have.
Life is good and I am so thankful to be where I am today. I am thankful for the lessons I have learned by my experiences and my life is the best it has ever been. I have much to be grateful for. I have love in my life and a beautiful partner to share it with. I have friendships from people who love and care about me and who are encouraging and warm and thoughtful when I need it the most. I have a home that I adore that provides me a sanctuary to play and rest. I have a job that provides me with the basic things I need to live and survive like food and clothes and shelter. And in case I haven't said it... there is beautiful sunshine warming our world and shining a light on everything revealing the beauty around us.
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It makes me happy to cook things for her and I love to do it. I am certainly glad I got my granny's genes when it comes to that.
