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The Inner Sanctum...


 When Friendship Hurts- Part One
 

When Friendship Hurts—Part One

 

How To Deal With Friends Who Betray, Abandon or Wound You

 

 

Jan Yager wrote a wonderful book that I have been reading that deals with relationships and getting over friendships with people who betray and hurt you. It has been a real eye opener for me to not only see and recognize the different types of personality traits to look out for as warning signs and red flags, but I am also able to recognize the different aspects of behaviors that perhaps I myself have displayed at some point and time in my own relationships with people. Everyone has some of these traits in small various degrees that they may have displayed occasionally, however it is when these types of behaviors and actions are frequent enough that it starts impacting your relationship that you have to sit up and start paying attention to what the signs are telling you.

 

This book has been very beneficial to me because not only does it point out the negative signs to look out for, it also talks a lot about positive friendships and the actions and behaviors of trustworthy, loyal friendships that you develop with people that can and will last a lifetime. Jan’s book highlights what I can do to be a better friend and build even stronger bonds with the people in my life today. She discusses what you can do when things are not going so well and how to work out issues and conflicts if you really want to salvage and save a friendship with negative aspects, and what steps to take if you do decide to ultimately end the relationship.

 

This book has been very helpful to me in a lot of ways. This past year I went through a very rough period and ultimately I ended two very close personal relationships that meant a lot to me. This was not an easy decision to make and it was extremely emotional for me; however my decision to end the relationships was the best decision and the right one to make for my own emotional well being. Even though one happened nearly a year ago, it has taken me a long time to be able to talk about it openly and to feel peace about my decision. I have gotten many confirmations that it was the right thing to do, yet my heart still hurt and it has taken me a long time to heal that hurt and to feel peace of mind regarding both of these relationships.

 

In some ways it is much like mourning a death because it is a loss in your life. Even though I am much more joyful and happier now, the emotional turmoil it causes along the way can be difficult. As with any grief and loss, time heals the wounds and the experience teaches us valuable lessons along the way. I wish for the same healing for each of them in their lives.

 

Maybe you will benefit from this book too. All of us can relate to betrayal in a friendship, but so few want to talk about it openly. Talking about betrayal is needed as a necessary catharsis for healing the emotional pain of betrayal. In a survey of 180 people who responded to the question “Has a casual, close or best friend ever betrayed you?” 68% said yes and 32% said no.

 

So why do friends do hurtful things to their friends? Why do friends betray one another? Why would somebody get into a negative friendship to begin with? How do you get out of a hurtful one? How do you find and cultivate positive friendships?

 

“When Friendship Hurts” answers all of these questions and more. Sometimes the biggest change you can make must start with you before you can expect anyone else to change their behavior and actions. Let’s examine some of these questions and get some answers. This information was so helpful to me; I know it most likely will be helpful to you as well.

 

Because this is a lot of information, I am going to break this down into several parts because nobody wants to read a post that is so long that you lose interest before you can even read all of it. This is really valuable information that I want to share with you, so I will try to do it in smaller manageable doses by breaking it down into parts.

 

Positive wonderful friendships that are mutually beneficial to both friends should last a lifetime. Friendships that are negative, hurtful, toxic or unhealthy should end. Negative friendships can wreck havoc on your emotional well being.

 

Some potentially destructive or harmful friendships may be difficult to spot. That is because during the “courtship” phase, your friend may be charming, polite and completely appropriate, however once your friendship is well under way, the friend may change.

 

The very act of becoming friends may send somebody with intimacy problems into an emotional tailspin in which their behavior changes towards each other. In addition, the longer you remain friends, the greater your investment and the more likely you are to ignore or explain away negative behaviors. You will only be able to put up with so much and the friendship may last until such an act of betrayal occurs that the situation has to be addressed and resolved or the friendship ends.

 

Most of us are blessed with supportive caring trustworthy friends. There are great books out there that describe the process of maintaining positive friendships. “Friendshifts- The Power of Friendship and How It Shapes Our Lives” by Jan Yager is another excellent book that talks about positive friendships.

 

But where do you turn for help if you feel a friend has betrayed you? What exactly is betrayal anyway? Betrayal is when a friend whom you counted on for support, love, affection, trust, loyalty, camaraderie or respect has somehow destroyed your trust.

 

She may have violated a confidence or told lies about you, harmed your other personal relationships or cost you your job. He may have failed to come through for you in your hour of emotional need, taken your money or possessions, or stolen the affections of your romantic partner or spouse. In worst case scenarios, maybe your friend physically harmed you.

 

Were these “friends” ever really friends to you? How could a true “friend” commit such treacherous acts? Did the friendship start out destructive or harmful or did it become that way over time? Where did it take a wrong turn and what can you do to end it? If the relationship started out destructive, how can you learn to be a better judge of character early on so you avoid befriending those who end up harming you or betraying you?

 

 

 

Next we will take a look at the 5 Key Aspects of Friendship

 

 

Posted by PolarB at 1:07 AM - 12 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Yeah... Pow Wow Pictures!!
 

Finally finally finally! I was able to at least load 5 pictures that I will share with you. I am having all kinds of computer and internet connection issues so it has been erratic and frustrating!

Anyway enoy these until I can get the rest loaded.



These are some of the little ones who love to dance and show off their regalia.



This little fellow could not have been more than three years old but he sure knew his footwork.



The thing I love best out the outfits are the bright colors that sawy and move with life and energy when the dancer is competeting.



Watching all the people dance to the mighty drumbeat that echos within my body and in tune with my heartbeat just soothes my spirit. I can't describe it adequately. It just makes me feel like I am soaring with God on angels wings. I suppose this is kind of like my version of an old time tent revival!



This was one of my favorite shots I took. They were so into watching the dancers just like me and I was able to capture that joyfullness in their expression as well.

There will be more photos uploaded as I am able Peeps!

Bear Hugs & many Blessings!

PolarB ;)
Posted by PolarB at 12:26 AM - 33 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Yes.... It IS FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

YOU KNOW WHAT DAY IT IS RIGHT?????? IT'S FRIDAY!! AND THAT MEANS YES IT'S TIME FOR :

FRIDAY QUESTIONS

Hello my friendly little Peeps!! Have you been waiting all week until Friday to get your weekly fix here and at Belle's place? Well you're just in luck cause today is FRIDAY!!!!!

Have at it! I see you drooling so here ya go my lovelies!

1. Do you have a pet peeve?

2. What do you collect?

3. What is your favorite juice?

4. Kind of bathing suit you prefer?

5. Do you like Buttermilk?

6. Do you read the Bible?

7. Do you use Google often?

8. What is the gooiest things your hands have been in?

9. Have you had a good laugh this week?

10. Have you ever had somebody make wrong assumptions about you?

11. What did you want to be when you grew up?

12. What is the cutest feature of your significant other?

13. How did you celebrate the 4th of July?

14. Build your best omelette. What's on it?

15. Favorite place to walk or hike?

16. Have you ever went down a water slide?

17. Have you grilled a lot so far this year?

18. Favorite all time musical group?

19. Favorite male singer currently?

20. Favorite female singer currently?

Have a fantastic Friday,

From your friendly Peep Queen..... Ohhh I mean... Polar-bear!

Catch ya on the flip side,

PolarB ;)

Posted by PolarB at 7:11 AM - 67 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Pow-Wow Uploading issues
 

I am still working on uploading my Pow-Wow pics but my puter at home is slower than cat..... Well you know what.

It has been a busy week trying to get caught up on things. We had some bad storms come through and that booted me off the computer too the rest of the night.

Enjoy this picture from the zoo until I can get them loaded.



Bear Hugs!
PolarB ;)
Posted by PolarB at 7:16 AM - 11 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Living Joyfully
 

 This message is posted on my What Our World Needs Now blog however I felt strongly that somebody needs this message today so I am posting it here as well.

 

Run joyfully toward life

 

Run joyfully toward life and embrace it with open arms.

Each day brings its own treasure in the flavors, aromas, sights, sounds, situations, experiences and interactions that come your way.

Don't get bogged down attempting to resist or deny what has already happened. Put your energy into using what you have to make life better than ever.

Embrace the beauty, the joy, the wonder and the abundance of life. At the same time, embrace the challenges, the setbacks, the disappointments and the difficulties.

Be genuinely thankful for every moment, whatever it may contain. For in each moment is your opportunity to fully live, to grow, to learn, to experience, to share and to create unique, lasting value.

Welcome the ever-changing richness of life as it dances before your eyes in ways you've never seen before. Join passionately in that dance and be a part of the richness.

Follow the winding path as it moves up, down, over and around through the steadily increasing abundance and fulfillment of your life. Know more fully, as each moment passes, the profound joy of being.

-- Ralph Marston

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ralph's words are so true. You can choose to make lemonade out of the lemons that life hands you. Did you know that you can live joyfully every single day? You really can, however it does not just happen automatically. You have to make a conscious effort to choose to live joyfully. I can hear the buts and the what ifs.... But what if this happens, what if that happens? How can I be joyful all the time? Sweetie...Life happens. Things in our everyday life is not going to be all roses and cupcakes BUT we do have a choice as to how to react to what life throws at us.

Is life throwing you a bunch of stinky crap? Then put that crappy manure into your garden and make beautiful blossoms out of it! I still hear you groaning out there saying, but you don't know what I have to put up with day in and day out. Yes I do. Listen carefully here because this is key. If you are miserable in your life on a daily basis then only YOU can do something about it. Don't wait around for others to change to conform to your wants and needs. Because it is never going to happen. YOU have to be the one to take action if you want your life to improve. YOU and only YOU have the ability to make the changes in your life that will give you peace and contentment.

I hear about so many women out there who feel trapped with no way out. There is a way out, however YOU have to take action and make the change in your life. You only have one life and you are living it right now. There is no waiting and hem hauling around because you are losing precious moments each second as the time passes. Don't waste it. Make every second count. Life is too short to be unhappy and to live life miserably. All it takes is effort to change it. Don't keep standing in the middle of the muck. Take the steps to get out of it. Even if they are shaky wobbly baby steps. If you are in an abusive situation, don't be embarrassed to ask for help. Tuck your pride aside and get out before it is too late. You never under any circumstance deserve to be treated abusively.

I don't know why I am writing this today but I feel compelled to say these things. I don't question it, I just follow God's directions. Maybe it is for you. If you are reading this today and this message is for you, please, find the courage to make the changes in your life that will set you free. You deserve to live in peace. You ARE worth it no matter what anyone else has told you. You do not have to live in fear any longer. Find a shelter and don't be afraid to ask for help. You are not losing everything but you have everything to gain by taking control of your life. You can survive and make a peaceful life for yourself. You have the courage inside. Hold tight to it and take the first step to the beginning of your beautiful life.

You are a wonderful human being and you deserve so much better than what you have experienced. Don't ever forget that.

I send you blessings and love,

Gentle Bear Hugs,

PolarB ;)

Posted by PolarB at 12:06 PM - 16 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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Author: PolarB
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