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The Inner Sanctum...


 Friday Questions... okay so it's Saturday! SUE ME!
 

Okay so here we are and it is time for Friday Questions! WHAT?!!!! It's not Friday anymore? Crap! I swear I'm getting a case of Altzies! This makes two Fridays in a row that I am not on top on the ball here.....

Okay.... okay...... settle down my little chickadees and I will post em anyway. Ready? Here we go!

 

1.  How many TV's do you have in your home?

2.  Do you keep the resolutions you make?

3.  What would you say is your best feature?

4.  Have you ever had a wet willy? What about a wet wilma?

5.  How many hours of television do you watch in a week?

6.  Do you have any regrets?

7.  When is the last time you whispered sweet somethings in someone's ear?

8.  What is your least favorite color?

9.  When is the last time you went to an amusement park?

10. Name someone you looked up to as a kid other than your parents.

11. Do you sunbathe in the summer months?

12. What is your favorite animal?

13. Do you exercise? What do you do?

14. What is your favorite morning cereal?

15. Do you drink Gaterade? What flavor?

16. Candlelight or moonlight?

17. Favorite CD at the moment?

18. Do you own stuffed animals?

19. M&M's or Snickers bar?

20. Would you ever visit a nudist beach?

 

Well that's it for this week.... I'll try to get back on track next week.-- Later Peeps!

Bear hugs!

PolarB ;)

 

Posted by PolarB at 8:25 PM - 29 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Down Memory Lane...
 



This is me when I was a little whipper-snapper! I think I was about seven years old. I lived in Madisonville with my great Aunt Maude and uncle Clarence. Aunt Maudie as I used to call her was my paternal grandmother's oldest sister. They came from a rather large family and back then people had alot of kids because they didnt use contraceptives, so the women kept having children and the men kept working hard to provide for em. My aunt and uncle were in their sixties at the time trying to raise me while I was getting into all kinds of things. Actually I was a pretty good kid from what I recall until I got up into my teens. The worst I ever did was sneak off the porch when I was told not to. or I would climb up and hide in the trees while my aunt would be searching for me. My snickering usually gave me away. Poor woman threatened to climb up the tree to come after me one time....and she would have done it too.

My aunt and uncle were pretty strict with me. They enforced their rules with a switch and a thin leather strap. It only took a few of those whoopins to know I didnt want one again. I was not allowed to wear pants and most schools would not allow girls to wear pants just yet anyway. I was not fond of dresses even at that age but as I said I didnt have much of a choice. I only had one friend who lived across the street who was one day older than me. She was Catholic and we were Protestant so after kindergarten, she had to go to a different school while I stayed in the public school system. Life didnt seem fair to me because I wanted to go to school with my friend. I remember asking my aunt.."But why cant I be Catholic too?" She said well you just cant.

I lived with them from age 4 until I was 8 years old. I didnt have my own room but rather slept on a mattress on the floor beside my aunt and uncle's bed. I used to be terrified of the thought of burglars breaking into our house and would imagine that I would just crawl and hide under their bed if someone ever broke in. Many nights I feel asleep with the covers wrapped around my head and only a small bit of my face sticking out so I could breathe. I guess noises scared me too so I didnt want to hear anything if something was coming to get me.

Sometimes in school they would ask you what you wanted to be when you grew up. I think my first thoughts were that I wanted to be a teacher then I think I changed it to a nurse, probably when my grandmother got injured and ended up for an extended stay in the hospital. I used to go over on weekends when she finally got out and crawl up into her hospital bed with her. She was in a body cast and was bedridden for quite some time. I used to "help" her with her therapy. Most likely I played with the overhead bars that she used to help pull herself up some. Eventually she was able to be in a wheelchair and then walk with a walker. I went to live with her when I was nine years old and stayed until she died when I was fifteen.

I remember in sixth grade being asked again what I wanted to be when I grew up and I stood up proudly and told everyone I wanted to be a clown. They all laughed at me and although that was not my intent to have them laugh, I guess that is the response being a clown would get so I laughed too. Later as I grew up humor was always a part of my own coping mechanisms in one way or another. I was not a class clown or anything but I liked being able to laugh and make others laugh too.

As an adult I have often wondered what it would be like to do stand up comedy. I dont think I would ever do it though because I have always had a difficult time talking in front of crowds of people until much later years in my life when I became a supervisor and manager and ended up taking classes to ease my discomfort. Besides I used to blush horribly and sometimes still do at certain moments.

For me... I can still be a clown if I want to.....Halloween allows me to live out that fantasy... to be funny and do my little skits... Playing Elvis this year was fun -I probably could have had alot more fun if it had not been for my knee but I have no doubt Elvis will rise from the ashes again. A few years ago I did a character called The Tacky Tourist... It was a real blast. I did her for work one year and won first place and did her for our family Halloween party too. I had a whole comedy routine worked up and I think I might just have to resurrect her in the future too. That gives me plenty of time to work out my comedy routine.

I love that life can be fun and that we have laughter to bring us joy.
Sometimes I suprise even myself with what comes out of my mouth and sometimes at the moment it does.....but oh well that's just me...

I really love it when Lovie and I laugh so hard that we cannot even say another word and our bellies are hurting from laughing so hard. We do it quite often. It's even funnier when liquid starts coming out all orifices. If it gets that far... we're cooked.

Well... I guess that's it for today peeps... I've been rather busy with work stuff... therapy stuff... art stuff.... and keeping up my other blogs including the new one.... So until next time! Keep laughing and lovin one another.

Love yas!
PolarB ;)
Posted by PolarB at 5:54 PM - 36 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 My wish for you in 2007!
 

My Wish for You in 2007


 May peace break into your house and

 May thieves come to steal your debts.

 May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills.

 May love stick to your face like Vaseline and

 May laughter assault your lips!

 May your clothes smell of success and
 May happiness slap you across the face and

 May your tears be that of joy.

 May the problems you had forget your home address!

 In simple words .............

 May 2007 be the best year of your life!!!

 

 

As always!

PolarB ;)

 

PS- Dont forget to check out my new blog- "What The World Needs Now" to get a daily Thought for the Day and lots of other good stuff!

Thanks for all the comments and visits to the site already! It is much appreciated!


Posted by PolarB at 8:30 PM - 3 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Where is it?
 

Hear YE! Hear YE!

I hearby do announce a brand spanking new blog site that will be a positive affirmation to making the world a better place!

Please come take a look and tell all your blogging buddies about it. I invite you to add suggestions on ideas for Random Acts of Kindness and submit your own positive stories of uplifting encouragement to share with others.

You can access the new site which is called:
"What Our World Needs Now" by clicking on the side of my favorites list and or by copying and pasting this link.

http://actsofkindness4u.blogstream.com

Sorry that I dont know how to provide a direct link for you to click on for this post...

Have a great day!
PolarB ;)
Posted by PolarB at 4:38 PM - 4 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Reflection on 2006 and Moving forward into 2007
 

 First of all I'd like to thank all who voted for not only me but for all the recipients of the Blogstream awards and the honorable mentions. I count you all as dear friends! What an honor! I am proudly displaying my awards and will try uphold the honor throughout the new year!
 

1) Who in our blog family would you most want to meet in person?

 

First Place: Colo, Polar Bear & Biggie-T

 
 
                            34) Which blogger has the best recipes ?  

Winners:  Granny Jo & Polar Bear

 
 

14) Who is the best female blogger?

 

Winners:  Colo, Polar Bear, Rosie, Sherry & Valkyrie 

 

 
Honorable mentions
 
4) Who's blog do you find the most honest and soul bearing?
 
19) Who is the best veteran blog (over 1000 hits) ?
 
21) Who has the best spiritual blog?
 
26) Which blogger would you trust with your life & secrets? 
 
28) Who is your favorite quoted blogger on Overheard?
 
31) Which blogger which you most want to give a hug to?
 
42)  Which blogger is the most spookiest for Halloween ?
 
Gosh! Thank you so much for all the honorable mentions peeps! It truly is an honor and I appreciate you all for thinking of me in such nice ways. Believe me I feel the same about you guys too.
 
 
 
Okay.... well now that we have that over with I wanted to reflect and share some of my thoughts on this past year and welcome in the New Year! I just gotta a really good feeling that 2007 is going to be a really good year for me and for you as well.
 
I like to reflect a bit at the end of each year and take stock of how far I've come or go over the things maybe I can improve on or do better in the fresh new year. Kinda of like starting a new chapter of a book except I have control over the plots and the storyline for this coming year.
 
This past year of 2006 was not my best I'd have to say... I've had better years. There was much growth this past year and I can be proud of that but there was also alot of emotional undercurrents and pain that I had throughout the year that affected me greatly. Luckily for me... having a brand new knee will take care of the pain part and as for the emotional...well I am still growing and evolving and working my stuff.
 
There will be a huge release and letting go of old memories and feelings which will clear the path for serenity and enlightment for my own spiritual growth. I feel like this is the year I will soar with the eagles and the bear spirit within me will purge all the unwanted crap that has been a barrior to my spiritual freedom. There will be a connection as never before and my guides will clear the path as I open my heart and mind even more than I ever have before.
 
I recently bought the new Dixie Chick CD and I really like it. There is one song on there in particular that I really connect with. I know they are singing it because of all the hooplah stuff they went through when they were shunned by the masses just for speaking their minds and it has a much different meaning for them than it does for me. But the words touch my inner core and it is all part of the emotional releasing that I am currently embarking upon. It's the song called "Not Ready To Make Nice"
 
The words say;
 
Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it
 
That song says a hell of alot to me and I relate it so much to my abusive past. It's so easy for people to say you have to Forgive but to me being sexually and ritually abused as a child is not about forgiving my abusers. I don't know that I could ever forgive them. It's about forgiving yourself and finding peace within your own self to be able to let it go enough so that it doesn't hurt you anymore and it doesn't control your life anymore.  Forget? Nope. I wont ever be able to do that nor do I want to. It has made me who I am and I am a stronger woman for what I endured. Time heals everything but I'm still waiting. Yep. I am still healing. I have done a heck of alot of healing over the past 12 years but there is yet more to do and I'm still waiting and finding my way through it. I have felt like a failure this past year for my abuse issues resurfacing because I thought I had it all tidied up and wrapped neatly in a bow, but you know what? I didnt and more importantly I am not a failure because this is just the next layer of the onion so to speak and I am getting to the much deeper levels than I ever thought possible. I've paid a price and I'll keep paying very true but not only that I will continue to become who I was always meant to be. It is a joy to discover all these parts of myself that were covered over in darkness. As the light reaches in and surrrounds every nook and cranny, I am transformed and there is a lightness to which my spirit can take flight and soar. I feel a change within me and it is like shedding my skin or another layer of my skin to step out into the daylight and to revel in the beauty that was within me all along, just buried under the rubble. I'm not ready to make nice I'm not ready to back down... Honey there aint no turning back now! I've come too far and I will keep moving forward towards the light. I'm still mad as Hell and I dont have time to go round and round and round. Yep I'm getting in touch with the anger part that has always scared the crap out of me. I always feared that if I got in touch with the intense anger that I felt inside for what was done to me that I would literally kill someone. All I have to say is I pity the fool that even tries to attack me or overpower me in any way cause I aint a scared little girl anymore and someone is real likely to get seriously hurt and it aint gonna be me this time! I am proud of myself for standing up against people who have misused their power even when I was standing all alone, I still had to courage to do it and it gave me my power back. I am grateful for that. It's too late to make it right, I probably wouldnt if I could.. boy aint that the truth. I can never go back and retrieve what was lost and taken from me but what I can do is live my life differently from where I came from and create my own surroundings that are peaceful, nurturing and life giving to me filled with the love that I never had. That includes having people in my life who are healthy and supportive of me and getting rid of toxic relationships that hurt me. I deserve better than that and it is up to me to control and monitor that. Cant bring myself to do what it is you think I should... There's a saying I like that goes something like this... "Shoulds and Oughts are what other people want you to do... Wants and Needs are your own desires and what is right for you." Which to me translates to follow my own heart and listen to the still voice inside me which is my own intuition. It never has led me wrong. There are always people who will try to tell you what to do, but is that what you really want to do? If you go around pleasing everyone else and negating your own feelings and needs, you start to lose a vital part of yourself. Follow your own heart and intuitions. It will make your heart sing and bring you so much joy and contentment. I know you said, Why cant you just get over it?  If I just got over it and pushed my abuse issues to the side and not dealt with it, I would have never found true happiness and peace within. You can only push it down so many times and it is going to start to seep out in other areas of your life. You may not even realize it and connect it to the core issue but one way or another it will keep coming up until you deal with it. It turned my whole world around and I kind of like it.Yes it did turn my whole world around. But I am grateful for it. It has been my path and I have learned so many life lessons from it and I am learning to love myself and accept all the parts of me and I have discovered so many things about myself and it has opened up a creativity within me that I never even knew existed. So yeah... I kinda like it.
 
As I step into this new year, I will continue along my path. I have been healing and working on my core issues for a long time now ..more than ever this past year and will continue into this new year as well. I did so much of it intellectually in past years but I was always afraid to feel the feelings that went along with it. I am doing that now. It is opening up my heart and my spirit. That is the unveiling of my soul that I am embarking upon right now. I am ready and looking head on into the future and where my journey will take me.
 
This past year I have gotten so frustrated at myself for not finishing my book that I am writing. It is my history and the story of my own personal journey of healing and to give hope to others who are walking the same path. I now realize why I couldnt finish it. I am not done. I am walking through a vital part right now and so I couldnt finish the book. It will all fall into place exactly as the Great Spirit has aligned it to. In other words... I am right where I am supposed to be.
 
With that in mind and with having a super bionic new knee...it is no wonder where the trail will lead to ....all I know is I am ready to fly...
 
Much love to all who have supported me here on the Stream and personally offline. It is the friendships like this that I honor deeply and I am proud to hold you within my heart. There were times you lifted my spirits when I needed it the most and I am thankful for that. That's what friends do.. they lift you up out of the valleys and stand with you proud side by side on the peaks of the mountaintops. I am honored to be a part of this wonderful loving supportive community of friends.

Yep peeps....it's gonna be a good year!
 
Love,
PolarB ;)
 
 
Posted by PolarB at 8:05 PM - 13 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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  About Me
Author: PolarB
From USA
 
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