Updated message as of Thursday evening- Please go to this website after you have read this posting for an important presentation.

http://www.positivepause.com/en/

I am sadden by the fact that what started as a ripple in the stream has now turned into a full blown tidal wave and people are turning on one another with malice and threats and hurtful words. This has resulted in alot of good people leaving and deactivating. For what? What justification did this whole situation serve that has cause all this discord and makes others behave in this way? Everyone has choices in how they will conduct themselves.

We started out with a wonderful caring community who supported one another, lifted each others spirit's when one of us was down, we felt compassion when one of us had tragedy in our lives or felt their pain in their trials and tribulations as they each shared their lives with us in the Stream. We laughed and had fun and joked with one another sometimes until the tears of laughter and silliness ran down our faces. We have shared our feelings and sometimes things very personal to us. We have helped one another see different perspectives. We smiled when something wonderful was shared like the birth of a child or a marriage or when somebody got great news. We have celebrated birthdays and photographs with one another. All of those things are not gone... it is just covered right now with haze that has clouded our eyes. The smoke burns our eyes and we cannot see clearly... Sometimes inside there is pain and we have emotional responses that are more about our own past experiences and less to do with the actual events occurring right now that trigger us into responding in ways we may have not done so otherwise....we cannot see clearly because our own personal experiences blind us.

I can only hope that the dust will settle gently yet when it does, each person will have to look at their own reflection in the mirror and see how they represented themselves their own actions and behaviors to the people surrounding us who we have called friends... The question will be... Do you like what you see?

PSS---- This was my answer to a message I got and I wanted to add it to this post as well.

The ripples will continue until the energy is spent....the unfortunate thing is that many people --real people--- are being hurt by what others say and do... there is no way to truly stop this train wreck until it comes to a stop on it's own. The best thing we can do is stay out of the way of the train and keep ourselves from getting injured....

It still is an amazement to me that this has all taken on a life of it's own and it has turned ugly... When this is all over people wont even remember why it began... they will be full of resentment and anger because they will remember only the hurtful words and how it effected them personally.

I pray for peace and healing to all on Blogstream regardless of what their views are. It is time to let this go before more damage is done.

With Love,
PolarB ;)

Okay lets get back business and blogging and bring back some fun we have here on the Stream...

With that being said I wanted to tell you about something that I hope will bring a chuckle to you... this is a tale of a sad little hamster named Princess. This is a completely true story by the way in case you are wondering...

One of my coworkers in my department has two small children who dearly love animals... I think my friend does too and just does not want to admit it... but anyway they have several pets including a dog, a cat, a gerbil and a hamster named Princess. At one point they have even taken in a wayward orphan baby racoon that they named Chocolate Chip which has now grown up and they don't have anymore. Chip was released back into his natural environment and they were all sad to see him go. Princess was a beloved hamster that unfortunately died suddenly last winter. My friend did not want her kids to know this fact and was thinking of trying to match Princess with a look alike and do a little switch-a roo in order to spare their feelings but she was unable to find a suitable match to do so, so her kids discovered little Princess had died and they grieved her loss. I think her daughter took it particularly hard because of course she had been the one who took it out of the cage everyday and played with it and let it crawl around her room and stuff. I know you are thinking...hey I thought this was supposed to be a funny story... hang in there... it is....just bare with me...

So anyway, my friend decides they are going to have a little funeral for Princess so she creates a little funeral for the hamster and the kids say their goodbyes to their beloved Princess. Here is where the story takes a turn. LOL! Sorry I have to laugh because I know what's coming. My friend did not actually have Princess in the box because she knew she would not be able to dig in the dirt to bury Princess because winter had just about froze the ground solid and it was too hard to dig a little grave. So what did my friend do? She hid her until it was safe and then put her in a baggie and popped her in the freezer! I am laughing because we did not actually find or discover this fact out until nearly summer when she accidently let it slip that Princess was in the freezer.. Believe me she took a bit of grief from us about that... We were saying well what happens if the kids get in the freezer looking for a popsicle and they pull out Princess on a stick? We ribbed her a lot about this and she tried to explain that because the ground was frozen she couldn't dig a grave but it was on her plans to do in the summer because it would be warmer and she would be out there planting anyway. She just could not let the kids know because they thought Princess was already buried out in the back yard. So anyway we let it drop for a while...

Low and behold the subject came up again during this past summer and I asked if she had buried Princess yet. She said no and she was going to do it but had to wait until the kids were gone so they wouldn't know about it or discover it. I was like okay... please take Princess out of your freezer and bury the poor thing before somebody finds her in the freezer and becomes even more traumatize! Poor Princess here she is a frozen furball on a stick frozen solid in a perpetual pose. Poor thing! Then of course I get all these visuals in my warped little head about someone finding her and trying to figure out what the heck is this? Could it be a new cut of meat or chicken, or perhaps a furry fudge bar? Imagine licking that! Yuck!

So here it is Fall now and the seasons are starting to change and I ask my friend again about Princess. She hangs her head and says no.... Princess has not been buried as of yet but she is out of the freezer now! I was like uhhhhhh sooooooo where is she? My friend replied, Oh she's out in the garage now..... What??!!!!
So now we have a frozen hamster who was in a previously frozen state who is now completely thawed out and sitting in a hidden spot in a hot garage. So by now I expect that little Princess is Jell-O in a bag and it is untelling what the decaying process is doing to her. I say to my friend- "YOU HAVE TO BURY HER!" She goes I know I know.... I just cant let the kids find out!.... She says she has to bushes to plant soon and she will do it then..Actually, every time I ask her she has a new excuse... Well.. I have to find a box that is just right for her... Well I have misplaced her.... I know she's in there somewhere..... I am actually surprised the cat has not sniffed her out and carried her off somewhere! That or the flies have found her! She told me she knows exactly where she is and hopes her husband doesnt come across her and hold her up saying What the heck is this? I beg of her to please bury the hamster. She told me he doesnt know so she's been carrying around this little secret all to herself... well beside all of us at work know and kid her about it.

I wont hold my breath and in the meanwhile, I did what I do when other little funny situations occur...
I wrote a song about it! So I will post it for you now. It is sung to the theme of Gloria Gaynor's song "I will Survive" except my version is called "I'm not Alive!"

Come on... you know you want to sing along... at least hum it with me!

"I'm Not Alive" - Ode To Princess!

No not I
I'm not alive
She put me in a baggie
and she froze me when I died
and I gave all I had to give
Oh I wish I would have lived
But I died...Oh yes I died!

So go...walk out that door
don't keep me in the baggie
and leave me lying here no more
just walk right outside
and dig that hole for me
Pick any spot or just put me by the tree

No not I
I'm not alive,
She says it's for the kids
but I think now that she lied
She cannot seem to let me go
and she wont bury me
How can I make her understand
what can I do to make her see?

Oh please! Just bury me
I'm lying in the garage
and the flies are biting me
But it's okay to let me go
please just do it before the snow

I'm not alive
Just please face it that I died

Oh please just bury me!
Oh please Just bury me! Oh bury me!!
Cause I'm not alive!!!!!!!!!


Of course I did a performance of my rendition for my department and to my friend. She laughed so hard she cried. I told her now please... would ya just bury the poor thing....

Update... I have been checking every weekend and still no burial has occurred... winter is coming soon and at this rate I expect to hear about Princess being stuffed and sat on the mantle over the fire for Christmas... I just hope she doesn't leak!

LOL!
PolarB ;)

Because I have seen my name on several comments...I felt the need to post this. I want it to be heard and understood that I in no way, shape or form support or forgive the sexual abuse or any type of abuse of a child. I am passionate about that and I stand firmly on that fact. Anyone who knows me and has recently read my posting about the Marcus story I posted several weeks ago should know how passionate I am about that fact. I am a childhood sexual abuse survivor myself and I know the devastation it causes. I cannot ever forgive my own abusers and am not willing to forgive any other abusers who have committed crimes against children.

This weekend brought heightened awareness to the awfulness of child abuse and the effects that it has on innocent victims. We can all do that without naming names and still get the message out there. I know there was alot of emotional gut level responses and anger this weekend because of the situation that occured and I agree that this is a subject that needs to be brought to light and people need to stand up and fight for what they believe in. All abuse has devastating effects and no child woman or man should ever have to endure any type of abuse period. When we speak of child sexual abuse it stirs even greater emotion in us because it IS a horrendous crime... we see the victim who is a small defenseless child who does not have the power to stop what is being done to them.

I think when we are angry and in the heat of the moment, we tend to lash outwardly to all in the pathway and even though it is not directed at that specific person it can come across that way. I know and understand the emotional gutteral responses everyone was having and I know there are people on the stream here who have good hearts and intentions and would never intentionally hurt anyone on purpose. I know there have been alot of apologies being made to people who have become friends to all of us for words that were not intended to be taken in the way they were. I fully understand all of the anger and the passionate responses for the situation that was caused.. Child abuse angers me just as much and I am passionate in my fight to stop it from ever happening to another child.

The statistics on child abuse is staggering. I do think it needs to be shared. One out of three girls will be raped or sexually molested in some way by the time she reaches the age of eighteen. One out of every five boys will be molested or raped by the time they reach eighteen. Do you realize that means if you are sitting in a crowded room and you look to the person on your left and you look to the person on your right that most likely one of you has been molested or raped in childhood. Maybe it is you and maybe it is both people on both sides of you too. Just because people dont talk about it does not mean it did not happen. There is much fear and shame surrounding child abuse. Abusers depend on that silence but we cannot be silent anymore if we are to stop this devastating cycle of abuse. Believe me I know all to well about that, as many of you here on the stream also know perfectly well what I am talking about because you are survivors too just like me.

This has been a hard weekend on many who were involved and all who read the comments and the various postings.... This can be very triggering for those who have suffered at the hands of an abuser. Many survivors will leave and not come back because of it because it does not feel safe to them anymore. I am saddened by that fact ....I am staying... I choose to not run ever again. I spent 28 years running because I was scared for my life from my abuser and I refuse to do it again. Some of you know bits and little pieces of my own history of sexual abuse with what I have shared in past postings...I have shared just a small portion of what I went through and most of you know that I am still healing and will continue to heal probably for the rest of my life.... and to tell you the truth some of that sharing and openess has made me vunerable to people who will try to take advantage of that. That has been a hard lesson for me and continues to be a lesson for me.

As to specific questions that someone posed to me today.... I have looked hard at all of the facts and as I get more information from other survivors, I do believe I was manipulated in a way... What has been my lesson in this and in a previous experience I had recently not involving this at all... is how the mind of an abuser works and how they get on the good side of a victim in order to manipulate a situation...I have not shared the private messages and conversations that I have had with specific people and I wont. I do believe abusers know what they are doing. I do not know their motives and at this point it really doesnt matter.

In this specfic instance, there were times that I doubted this was not only a one time occurance from years ago. I have had other inklings and questions raised in my mind that leads me to those conclusions of which I wont share. I felt at certain times that this person was continuing to be an abuser and a pedophile and playing on the sympathies of those who have been abused. I have since learned in the last two days that I was not the only one he was in communication with who has been abused in the past.. This person was PMing several others and most if not all were survivors in some way. This is disheartening to me. It feels like a game of manipulation was being played and there was some satisfaction derived in that fact.

I think that anyone who has been abusive in a sexual manner to a child in the past should still be in therapy...even if they had never abused another child again- it was still on his mind and bugging him... for that the abuser needs help. I do believe with all my heart that he struggles with his own demons and I think he is fighting feelings that pedophiles cannot control. I do believe that once someone abuses a child and becomes a pedophile that they will always be a pedophile. Whether or not they act on those urges does not change the fact that they abused a innocent child. It does not matter if it was exposing, looking, touching or full blown rape. Abuse is abuse is abuse.

I struggled with this whole thing this weekend because this person has been so supportive of me and my healing journey privately and I knew that he had been abused too in many ways. That is what hooked me but then again abusers know that and maybe that is why he contacted me in the private way that he did originally many months ago to disclose the fact that he had abused a child .... There is a big lesson in this and I know I have much more healing to do.

I do have alot of compassion in my heart especially if I know somebody is hurting but as my Mama told me I do not have to be nice to everyone and especially not to someone who has been a perpetrator and who has abused children ... I have that right and it is okay to run like hell the other way..... Mama's claws came out in my defense and she and Taylor both were ready to protect their cub....me..... and I appreciate that.

This has been a valuable lesson to me not just in this past weekend's event but to many other instances I have come across or heard about in how perpetrators use the internet and or chat rooms and seek out survivors or children to befriend them and gain their trust in order to continue to abuse them. My therapist just reinerated the same thing last week when I was discussing another situation with her... She said there are predators out there just watching and waiting to see who they can pull into their web and it always starts off by gaining trust and sympathy.... That's why they are so good at it they are master manipulators....How many of you have experienced this already? As Mama Bear says.... Be careful -Not fearful.

I did not post this to bring this up to keep this alive- I feel saddened by the fact that this situation will have a fallout and I will lose friends that I have enjoyed getting to know. But I am also very grateful for the all the friendships I will continue to have and know we will all move on from here. I am doubly blessed for those special friendships that Spirit has had a hand in and know that we will continue to be in one another's lives regardless of if Blogstream is here or not.

I posted this because I want to bring awareness to child abuse and to remind you to be careful while on the internet and to be safe always.

Peace and blessings,
PolarB ;)

Oh Happy Day! Here is your Suprise!! Enjoy! Love, PolarB ;)