Hello Peeps!
This actually is a post I wrote for my other site on Yahoo which is dedicated specifically for Survivors of abuse and healing from the effects of that abuse, in which I told parts of my story about my ritual abuse. Because I thought the post was a good one I have decided to post it here as well. Yes I have been a busy little beaver the last several days so sorry I have not been on here much or able to answer your comments or visit with you... I will make my rounds very soon.....
Here it is...
Hello peeps!
I have to say that while it was kind of scary telling parts of my story in my last post, it has also been very freeing to me. After the initial sadness that I felt, I also felt a huge weight lifting off my shoulders. Truly I have only shared my ritual abuse truths with two people in any depths and it was difficult but to do but it is the right thing to do if I am to heal that part of myself. I feel invigorated and excited about writing my book again. I feel the block being lifted and that is such a good thing. I am getting confirmation that I need to get this book done and out there for others to read so it can help them... I know that without a doubt and will continue to follow my spiritual guides in this... It will flow just as it is supposed to.
I am feeling alot of peace and serinity too within my spirit and that is indeed a very good thing. It is almost as if my spirit has opened up to take in the peace and love that I feel from the universe. That alone tells me I am walking my path and headed in the right direction.
Last night I went to the drumming circle at the Voices conference. For those of you who don't know what Voices is, it is an organization that has been around a long time that stands for- Victims of Incest Can Emerge Survivors. Before I get into the drumming, let me tell you what I did. I got a postcard in the mail regarding the Voices conference which is a yearly event that brings together survivors from all over the world together. It usually has a well known guest keynote speaker and then it is two to three days of workshops all focused on survivor concerns and or professionals who assist the survivor in their healing and or pro-survivors which means spouses and partners or children of the survivor... Some of the workshops are very powerful and give great information for a varied amount of concerns. In the past they have had workshops on ritual abuse, on trust issues, on sexual issues, for male survivors, on spirituality and how to assists or break through blockages in healing for professionals who are learning to aid survivors... all kinds of things. They have a dinner and a talent show and a huge drumming circle in the evening for everyone to participate in...etc..Anyway I am getting off track here...
I have been concerned about this organization for a long time, reason being is I see it declining and each year it seems to loose a bit of that vitality it had many years ago. That concerns me because it has been of such a help to so many survivors who may not otherwise have any other resource or place to go for getting the help they need. In the survivor world I have seen many good organizations fall by the wayside and disappear and that is not what we need. We need to keep fighting and to get our voices out there and help one another. The Healing Woman was a fabulous thriving non profit organization that was a help to many. I loved their newsletters and was published in it myself several times. It was a great resource for referrals and gave tons of information for the things that matter to the survivors concerns. It was a way to let our voices be heard and to let one another know that we are not alone! One day they closed the doors and that was the end of it... I dont want to see that happen to Voices.
I got the Voices postcard in the mail to tell me about the conference which was a week away. Reservation have to be made in advance and by the time I got the information it was late in the game...I dont know about you but I need advance notice so that I can save my money to attend things like this... plans have to be made for work and time off.. anyway it triggered a response in me and I wrote a letter to Voices voicing my concerns and frustration. I have to say that I wrote it out of frustration and my response was one of emotion and passion for the cause. I got a letter back which was a great response but I did not believe everything I read simply because I actually know some background about the organization because my Mama Bear was once the Exectutive Director and President of the organization many years ago, which is how I came to know of it and so I wrote another letter which I think was a great one to give them some things to think about and new ideas for the direction of the organization. Anyway...I dont know why I just told you all of that other than to say when I went last night to the drumming I was kind of feeling like a buttwipe because I had such an emotional response the first time in my letter..but I stand behind my words and I was able to speak to a board member there whom I absolutely adore and I felt better about the situation and my responses to Voices. I am glad I feel passion for the cause and it only reaffirms to me that I am indeed on the right path in helping other survivors with my book and my involvement and being able to stand firm and speak my truths.
So back to the drumming..... gawd I am chatty today aren't I? So anyway last night I got a ride down to the conference to attend the drumming circle. I did not like the area it was in and for my own safety I got another person to drive and go with me. I am not fond of driving in areas where I know crime happens on a daily basis but actually once we were inside the hotel it was pleasantly nice and a great facility and I was feeling safe and glad I went. The drumming circle is I think a highlight of the conference in which it is an outlet that feeds your spirit... There are typically like over 50 people that attend them and last night although it was a small group of individuals, the energy there was amazing. One the the things that always strikes me though is how much pain the people there are feeling and have in their auras. You can feel it and even see it in their faces. That pain that is so visable to me is the very reason I want to continue to help others who are walking the same path. The depth of the pain and the effects that abuse has on each of those individuals is understandably so considering many are there for the first time and just beginning their healing journeys, but by the end of the evening, it is my hope that they have felt the peace and love and the energy in that room by being a part of the drumming circle. For me personally, it allows my spirit to soar. I love how the sounds of the drums and the rattles when everyone is participating comes together. There is such a healing energy presense there that it is hard to explain. I feel compelled to get up and move and dance and chant which I dont typically do in our regular drumming circle. Others get up and dance too and the air is alive with the spirits of our native ancesters dancing right there with us. They understand struggle and they help give us strength and direction and healing. It is just an awesome awesome experience. Afterwards I always feel such a peaceful calm wash over me and I would not trade that for anything. My spirit has been fed.
I would love to give everyone just a glimpse of what that feels like so that they can experience it for themselves. If they only knew what was available to them and could see that it only requires them to trust and to open up to it...what joy and personal peace they could experience. What serenity truly feels like. To me... this is what heaven must be like. I am so very glad for all of my experiences in my lifetime and that includes the good, the bad, and the ugly because it has brought me to this place I am currently in and I am so grateful for that. I am also grateful that I am able to listen with my heart and follow my spirit, for it has never led me wrong.
Much love and peace to you all,
PolarB ;)
