Okay…..Since it is apparent that the shit has hit the fan and this seems to be a day of true confessions… I must admit that I too had to come clean… Today on AOL news it was reported that FBI raids arrested seven saying “They Seemed Brainwashed….”””
I have to tell you… I was part of that raid and it was not pretty. The FBI has been monitoring this situation for a very long time and it finally came to a head in the wee hours of the morning…
I am not who I appear to be…. Yes I know it will be hard to believe but I have been masquerading around the stream as a big white bear…. I am not a bear. Yes take a moment to take a breath and sit down….
I am a Federal Agent in the FBI who goes by the code name “Super Duper Swamy” and it has been my mission the last year to train and prime a new agent to the field….”Agent Crystal Ball” I am unable to report her name at this time…other than by her code name to the agency …She has been practicing her skills and I think they have been of great use to her… in fact this mission has been playing out very well and we are highly pleased with her results….
There was a moment in her training that she let one nearly get away but we have him safely where we want him… our sub goal and mission about three months ago was to infiltrate another country so that we could put our ploy into place and have agents on all fronts of the world in order to get to the real target- “GW”… which is the ultimate goal. One we have him in our clutches and have taken over his mind this country will be righted once again….he has been a menace to our organization for the last 6 years and we are nearly there and have agents in place in 20 others countries now…. It is far-reaching and widespread…
Special Agent Crystal Ball learned how dastardly the players in the game could be when she was almost discovered when alas the subject she was after became wise to her ploys and her games and what we now call her specialty skills-- “Weapons of Mass Seduction”.
You all remember when Madonna wore that pointy shaped bra made of metal? Uh ha you all thought it was just for her music videos but alas I tell you it was not… I designed that protégé myself and it was to be the model for our Weapons of Mass Seduction testing commonly now referred to as “WOMS” and yes before you ask… Madonna is one of our agents… she has served our organization very well.
The idea of the bra or “WOMS” was to seduce an unsuspecting subject and when the moment came where intimacy would occur, the tip of the bra would be jabbed into the subjects eye and a special mind controlling truth serum injection would go straight into their brains and remove all their thought processes so that they would unwittingly become completely under our mind control. Agent Crystal Ball was working her way up to that point through emails and intimately private conversations but apparently the subject got spooked when a meeting was about to occur and he ran… He was only halfway programmed so we had to abort that portion of the mission and try it from a new angle. We can now say that we are successful in our mission….
We now under the careful planning and accomplishment of Special Agent Crystal Ball are into the next phase of the plan… and it is going so well… we have captured many POW’s which have now been placed in bondage and are under the complete mind control
of our agent. ……..what’s that...??? What do you want Lyles? Please excuse me for a moment…. I have a call coming in that I have to take….

Shaking head ….”What do you mean you can’t get him to wear the leather mask?
Uhhhhhh…. Well stun him with the lasergun…..No! Only use that as a last resort!!!”

Okay people…Something is amiss… I will have to get back to you….

(Calling Crystal Ball… Are you there ….. what has happened?? Go to the Spiral and the Flame…. Agents will meet you there…and I am on my way! Don’t do a thing until I get there!”)))

(Getting in my super duper swamy mobile and speeding off…………..as the dust clears what will happen next? Who will be the next unsuspecting subject? Will Blogoath ever know his father? Will Lucy fall victim to Belle’s charms? Who Is Puppy really? What does the Iceman have to do with this? And Why is Scratch still scratching his head?)

A great idea from Dazey if I do say so myself! Welcome to summer reruns…..

This was an original post I wrote Friday October 28th of last year titled “On Being Gay” I decided to add a bit more to it to expand my thoughts more on the subject.

I think most bloggers have figured that out by now that I am gay and am in love with my beautiful Lovie…but I wanted to repost this particular one because I found when I wrote this post at the time, that it gave people another perspective of my life and the gay lifestyle. I got a lot of feedback from everyone saying thank you for writing it because it was an eye opening aha for them. I like when I can have a positive impact like that so this was my first choice when deciding to repost a summer rerun. I hope you enjoy it and are able to expand your mind and your thinking maybe just a wee bit more by seeing things from my perspective …

“On Being Gay”

I think it's funny sometimes when people find out you are gay there's always one or two in the crowd who will pull you to the side kind of secretly and say, "Is it okay if I ask you a question?"

Oh boy... what's it gonna be this time? I think to myself… But I always say sure- go for it! I am pretty much an open book. Really I don’t mind the questions at all because I am happy to be able to help anyone understand and expand their horizons and thinking with an open mind. Usually the questions range from "Did you always know you were gay?" or "Do you believe you were born gay?" or one of the more odd ones from a coworker was "So what do you do?" That last one cracks me up because it is such an open question…So like what do you mean what do I do?? Do you mean what do I do for a living? Do you mean how do I live? Do you mean what do I do sexually? I could have a thousand answers for that one! Creative minds are thinking right now about that one I bet! With visualizations… LOL!

So I ask her to clarify- what was she asking me specifically... She says- "No, I mean like what do you do when you go home after work?
" Well... I go in and say Hi Honey I'm home and I eat dinner and maybe watch a little TV or work outside in the yard or read (or blog now).... I think she was disappointed and dismayed with my answer..
So she says, "Oh… so you pretty much do the same thing as I do when I get home, huh..?
" Uhhhh, yeah... what were you expecting?”

Maybe I should have spiced it up a bit... Well let’s see, I go home and as soon as I walk in the door, I rip my clothes off in search of my woman. I find her in the kitchen cooking and I tear her clothes off her body in shreds, in the process the spaghetti she was making has fallen onto the floor and has made a mess but I don't care… I have a need to fill and I ravage my woman with wild wicked sex right there on the kitchen floor on top of the spaghetti! Is that what you were looking for?

I think it's kind of funny that a lot of people's perceptions of gay people is that somehow we are more sexual beings and that we cannot control our sexual impulses and we live such deviant lives that we go from one sexual partner to another and another and another.... Okay…. Well there was that one time….. JUST KIDDING!!!! Seriously….Please!! Give me a break! Half of us only wish we were getting that much sex! The other half of the gay population probably does get a bit more sex although I think it would be an equal tie with their heterosexual counterparts..

Have you ever really thought about the straight men out there who make it their life conquest to keep adding notches to their belts? And in this day and age straight women too for that fact. Professional basketball players are a good example of this, as is any young horny male or female in the college bars.. If you think this isn't the case, you haven’t had your eyes open! Come on people! Have you watched Real World on MTV or gone to a college bar hangout and watched the mating rituals? Heck eye contact and a nod is now considered foreplay. Forget the slow seductions, forget getting a motel room, half the time people aren’t even private about it. Public bathrooms and hallways have given way to sex on the dance floor in some places. You know I ain’t lying!

So you may ask… Was I born gay? Yes I do believe I was. For as long as I remember I have always known. I remember being five and liking girls... when I was thirteen I was so in love with Farrah Fawcett and the Charlie's Angels girls that I had wall to wall posters in my bedroom.. When the realtor came to sell my grandmother's house- she said "You can sure tell a little boy lives in this room!" My grandmother didn't say a word. And long before Xena, the Warrior Princess, I was oggling over Lynda Carter's Wonder Woman... I know... I know... I'm aging myself aren't I? So what! Let me have my sordid little fantasies would ya? In high school I was so ga ga over some of my female teachers that I had many a teenage fantasy and dreams about them... I even had pictures of them that I would look at for hours and still do for that fact… have the pictures that is,,, not look at em! So yeah, I was born gay and I always knew that fact from the very beginning.

I wasn't always an open book though- in fact growing up there was a lot of secrets to keep and being gay was just another one of them. I learned very early in life that it was not okay with the world and those around me for me to be gay or different. As I got older and went through a lot of healing and processing of my childhood years, I began to live my life on my terms meaning I was not to going to let fear rule the way I lived my life anymore.

About 13 years ago I was at work one day and this yahoo dickhead comes swaggering up to me...He feels rather full of himself and in a threatening tone he says to me- "Rumor has it that you have a liking for women..." Now I look at him in all his smugness and him believing he has really got something on me and he would not hesitate to use it against me in a heartbeat... I look at him and in that moment I made a decision. I looked him square in the eyes and I said, "As a matter of fact, I do like women, so what's it to you? You gotta problem with that?" I think I may have heard him crap his pants as he backed down and walked away with his tail between his legs, muttering, "No, no that's cool… that's cool..."

Today, my view is that I'm perfectly okay being me. I am comfortable in my skin and I am proud of who I have become... Being gay is not my identity, nor is being a sexual abuse survivor or a ritual abuse survivor... It does not define me…It is only one aspect of my personality. Like me being a writer or an artist or a photographer or middle aged...or brown haired or any of those things….. it's all pieces of me... I live my life as honestly as I can and I am true to who I really am.

My motto is that if somebody has a problem with me being gay, it is their issue to deal with, not mine. I am happy with me.. if they aren't, that's fine too and they are entitled to their opinions. As long as we have respect for each other everything is fine and dandy sugar candy.

In Native American Culture, gay people are considered to be Two-Spirit. In the native culture, Two-Spirits are honored and are thought of highly to possess great powers. Because they have the perspective and qualities of both the male and female characteristics, they were often deemed as medicine men and great healers, which is really cool. I can see where this would be true and where having the perspective of both the masculine and feminine traits would be considered advantageous. Too bad the rest of society doesn't hold the same views or respect for that honored trait.

My wife who is older than me by twenty something years, does not have the same way of thinking as me about being out and openly gay. There is more deep rooted fear there. Of course in her day, if one came out as being gay, they were shunned by their families and put into a mental institution and given shock treatments. So often the volts of electricity was used so much that it damaged their brains and they were deemed as unfit to live in society and lived the rest of their lives in an institution.. That is just shocking to me (no pun intended). As if electricity raging through a person’s body would be able to change their brain's chemistry and make them straight and something they never were going to be able to be.

That's like flipping the world upside down.... Imagine for a moment if one day, everything changed and it was the other way around.. for all the straight men and women out there.. What if you were told it wasn't normal to be with someone of the opposite sex and you were thought of as an oddity or queer if you wern't with someone of the same sex.. I would imagine for a man who is straight and rather macho- they would not be able to change their feelings and be with another man, in no way, no shape, no form... It would seem very weird and maybe even repulsive to them. Well... think about that…. that's how it feels when society and churches tell us we have to be straight... it goes against everything inside of us...

Then you have people out there who think that if only these lesbians had a real man- that they would change their ways... yeah, right.. like some bully who calls himself a man who forces himself on a lesbian in the name of trying to show her what a real man is…Yeah that is really gonna make her want to be straight.. right-- let me just jump on that bandwagon! NOT!

Then you have sad cases like Matthew Sheppard who was tied to a pole all night long and beaten to death just because he loved another human being who happened to be the same sex.

And by all means don’t forget about the religious sector who preaches of fire and damnation to us and tells us all homosexuals are going to Hell because of who we love. Do you know how many gay teenagers out there have committed suicide because they felt it was not okay to be who they were… maybe it was a comment from their parents… maybe it was a schoolmate who bullied them because they didn’t fit into the mold of what society deems as acceptable, and maybe it was somebody from their church or they heard it in the media that gave them the message that they were going to Hell for being who they were. Look up the statistics on gay teen suicide if you don’t believe me... it's staggering and sad...

I see people who claim to be on God’s side who hold up signs that say- “God Hates Fags!” – Sorry people- but that could not be further from the truth… God doesn't hate anyone- If you really knew your God as you say you do…you would know that God is about love and joy.... Do you really think God's intent was to have people living in constant fear and sorrow? Sorry but in my book, God doesn't make mistakes... I was born to be who I am and nothing or nobody can change that...

One thing I am grateful for is that mainstream is now starting to view gay individuals in a different manner... many people are finding out that we are just normal folks who live everyday life just like you... Nothing really different about us- only who we love...

Me- I'm just gonna keep on being who I am...

PolarB ;)

Tracy Chapman - The Promise

From the album "New Beginnings"

If you wait for me then I'll come for you
Although I've traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me If you miss me once in awhile
Then I'll return to you
I'll return and fill that space in your heart
Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place that's warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
If you'll be waiting
I've longed for you and I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
I'll find my way back to you
Please say you'll be waiting

Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise If it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you
If you wait for me and say you'll hold
A place for me in your heart.

Go to www.Leoslyrics.com to download if you would like to hear this song.

This song touches me on a very deep level for many reasons. For one it is a beautiful love song and the music is paced just right to give it even more depth of meaning. Me discovering this song was actually kind of funny considering I’ve had this CD since it came out many years ago. I have listened to it over the years but never really paid attention… Life has a way of doing that sometimes… it’s like when you take time to stop and smell the roses, you may just discover something very beautiful, and indeed I did with this song.

At first when I listened to the words of the song, I loved the words because it really is an amazing love song and you get a sense of the feeling that comes along with it… Put it to music and it is very touching.

I wanted Lovie to hear the song because I thought it was such a beautiful love song, however when I sat down beside her and we listened to it together, something struck me and it brought me to tears. Every time I hear the song since that moment, it makes me weep. It’s not a sad weep but it reminds me of the connection that Lovie and I share with one another. It struck me as I was listening to the words that Lovie is not always going to be here with me in this life. It is inevitable that she will leave this life before I do especially since she is twenty-five years older than me. The words of the song reminded me that when she crosses over that I will still love her and I will always find my way back to her. Our love is strong and she is my true soul mate. Nothing will keep us apart…not even death.

The song says “I've longed for you and I have desired …To see your face, your smile…
To be with you wherever you are”

Then it goes on saying.. “Remembering Your touch… Your kiss… Your warm embrace…
I'll find my way back to you…  Please say you'll be waiting”

I can feel the words so strongly in my heart that it brings me to tears…. I can see me finding my way to her on the other side and holding her. “Together again …It would feel so good to be
In your arms ….Where all my journeys end…” Because being in her arms where it is safe and warm is where I always want to be. Where I can feel her beating heart and her warm breath on my skin and feel the love in her heart pouring out and blending with the love I feel for her making us complete and one.  “If you can make a promise If it's one that you can keep, I vow to come for you
If you wait for me”

I mean really how beautiful is that? It is wonderful loving Lovie and I know that I will always feel that love in my heart for her. Finding each other and loving one another has been one of the most amazing things in my life that has brought me so much joy and happiness and has filled my being with feelings that I never even knew I was capable of.

It’s kind of amazing this love that we share considering how private and closed off Lovie is with everyone else in this world. She is a very guarded person who does not let down the veil very often. She does not like others knowing her business. She does not let her feelings show to others very much. She does not like to let others know that she is gay…I understand that considering that in her time growing up people were sent to mental institutions and given shock treatment if they were found out to be gay. I thank God that times have changed over the years but the fears have not for someone who has lived with that threat or threats of being beaten just because of who you love. Amazing isn’t it that the world used to be like that…it still is in rare moments…  I understand the guardedness and I know that Lovie is extremely shy around others and will not talk much or open up to anyone as she does so with me.

There was an amazing connection from the first moment our eyes met. I can’t really explain it other than knowing that I had found my soul mate in her and her in me. It was instant… they say there’s no such thing as love at first sight, but I tend to disagree…. I feel head over heels in love with her from the moment we met. And only I know her to the depths…even past lovers did not know her the way that I do. What we share is very special. I know her laughter and her silliness when we are relaxing with one another. I love how we lay on the floor or the bed and talk for hours upon hours cuddling and laughing and how we giggle and play… She has a wonderful sense of humor that rarely shows itself to others. She is witty and quick. We bring out the best in one another and we also bring out that wonderful sense of childlike fun and adventure in one another too. Then there are the times when I see inside her soul and I know and feel her fears and have kissed away her tears when she is hurting as I held her in my arms while she cried. Those are moments she never shares with anyone other than me. She has done the same for me many times. There is something quite comforting in her warm brown soulful eyes. I still get that feeling of first love and the butterflies in my stomach when I look into her eyes even after nearly 23 years.

There are moments that we hear one another’s voice calling or speaking to each other even though we are at work and miles apart from one another. It is a deep connection that will never be broken. When the time comes that she does leave me for a short while and makes her journey to the other side, I will mourn the loss of her being here physically with me, but I know she will always be by my side in spirit and when my time comes I will say… I vow to come for you …..If you wait for me” and we will be together once again.

I don’t know if the song “The Promise” will effect you in the same way it does me, however if you have not heard it, try it out…it is a beautiful love song.

With love,

PolarB ;)

 

 

Wow peeps! This weekend just flew right by now didn't it! Here it is already Sunday evening and I have not been on the ole computer box once this whole weekend.... sorry bout that but the bear here was enjoying the weekend and getting lottsa rest..

Friday night after I came home from work, Lovie and I decided to enjoy the nice weather outside and have a nice quite dinner together here at home instead of going out... well that turned into a candlelit dinner out on the screen in back porch complete with a bottle of champagne that we kept forgetting to open over the years.. Let me tell ya... that bottle must have been fermenting real well because the ole bear here was what you call a cheap drunk and I was out like a light on two glasses of champagne.... so needless to say I was in bed very early on Friday night.

Saturday we we up at the crack of dawn and she looks very nice by the way... oh scuse me.... off track here.... anyway we had to go get our license renewed and then we came home and worked in the yard a bit before it got really hot and then about noon we got showered and took off to go meet some friends to get together to do a delayed... almost a month celebration of Lovie's birthday... We have another couple that we always do this with and we always go out and have dinner and exchange gifts for our birthdays...so that was fun... We ate at a new resturant on the waterfront which was very nice... by the time we got home in the evening.. I was pooped! So I layed on the couch to watch a little tv... big mistake cause I was gone to sleepy dreamy land in seconds flat!

I slept great and even slept in this morning... I worked on some stuff for work this morning a bit and then had coffee out on the porch and then got ready to go have brunch lunch to celebrate Father's Day...with my Mama Bear and Papa bear and the family. That was very nice and I have to say that it is so nice being able to celebrate Father's Day and it be a positive thing for me.. I never thought that would happen ever but my Papa Bear is very special to me just like Mama Bear is. It's good being part of a family and knowing that they love me just as much as I love them....

So anyway that brings me to sitting here in front of this box and I thought I would download some of the zoo pictures for ya and post em... so here they are... and by the way... for all you Papa's out there... Happy Father's Day!



Kazza Bear.... This is a manatee... they are beautiful graceful creatures that are so playful and gentle and their eyes are soulful...
I could watch em all day...



This polar bear just wanted to go back to sleep but I managed to get a shot when he raised his head.



This was the grand Bald Eagle... he was just beautiful.... very aleart and aware of everything around him..



Not the best pic of me but oh well....



This was Charlie! He was adorable!



I was standing right above him because he liked to come over and cuddle against ya... Too Cute!



And of course.... I love the gorillas... They are so expressive and human like... Makes me always wonder what they are thinking having all those people standing there looking at them.

Well.... That's about it for today... I'll catch up on answering soon and I want to post about the song too.... so see ya soon!-

Enjoy the pics!
Love,
PolarB ;)

FUN FACT FRIDAYS

Okay Peepers and Bloggers... and you know who you are...LOL! Here are my five facts for this fabulous Friday!

1. I met a glorious Bald Eagle this week at the zoo at our special event and he was magnificent! His wing span was absolutely awesome and he has such a powerful beak. I got to stand about a foot away from him and I spoke to him while his alert eyes watched me very carefully. And yes before you ask... I got pictures!

2. I met a cute little penguin named Charlie that waddled all around the room with us... If you bent down to his level he would walk over to you and cuddle up and sort of lean into you... Very cute! He was full of spunk and energy.

3. While at the zoo, we got the VIP treatment and while the others were busy doing the scavenger hunt, our zoo helper drove me and the other judge around the zoo to the exhibits. I felt like someone special and it was a great way to see the zoo since I have bad knees and would have never been able to walk to them.. My favorite exhibits were the gorillas and the manatees ...oh and of course the POLAR BEARS!!!!

4. I am so glad it is Friday that I could jump for joy... It's been a very long exhausting week.

5. I listened to a song this morning by Tracy Chapmen called "The Promise" and cried. It is such a beautiful song that I can never get through it without crying... I will post about it soon. It is a song that touches me very deeply.

 

Okay... well as BUGS BUNNY would say.....

"That's all folks!"

Love yas!

PolarB ;)