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The Inner Sanctum...


 Rain Meditation....
 

Good morning bloggers!

I wanted to post a meditation for the day… In our fast paced world today it is easy to forget to slow down and enjoy the moment of just being… We sometimes forget how healing and relaxing the natural world can be to us. The power of nature is awesome and we should not forget to respect it, understand it and be a part of it.

This meditation focuses on that. It is to help you stop what you are doing and to focus on something simple like a singing bird or a an ant crawling across the ledge, or the rain falling gently outside your window…

Remember to find moments in your life when you can relate simply and quietly to any part of your natural environment that brings you joy and contentment.- You don’t need anything special to do it, It is inside of each of you. You just need to be quiet enough to access it.

This meditation is called “Rain”- Here is the guided journey….take a moment or two to enjoy it…

Still your mind and open an imaginary window. Listen to the breeze blowing gently through some wind chimes….Relax at your desk, or the kitchen table, or wherever you are….Just take a few moments to relate to something other than progress, money or consumption….allow yourself the privilege of doing nothing… Your work…your spouse… your children and other distraction can wait a few moments while you take this time for just you.

Open the window and inhale the moist cool air that precedes a summer shower. Hear the birds twittering and cooing as the clouds gather on the horizon. Hear the breeze rustle the trees and feel it brush across your face and skin. Inhale and exhale the cool relaxing air. Open the window wider and lean out letting the smells of gathering clouds permeate your nostrils. Inhale and exhale, slowly and contentedly… You have nowhere to go….nothing to do….but enjoy the coming storm.

The breeze begins to stir more strongly, rushing past your face and tickling your ears…perhaps billowing your clothing and messing up your hair. Enjoy the feeling of contact with the wind, listen to it shaking the trees and watch it turn the leaves upside down so that their silvery undersides dance and glitter in the fading sunlight.

Imagine now that a little bit of rain begins to fall. One drop… then another… Here and there…. Begin to notice the drops as they fall on the leaves and then to the ground. Feel the drops on your face and hold out your hands to try to catch the intermittent drops as they fall to the earth. Now you begin to smell a musty earthy odor as the rain wets the earth, the grass, the trees and the leaves. Perhaps your rain is falling on the sidewalk or a rooftop and you can feel the hot steam rise as the drops evaporate.

It is beginning to rain harder and you decide to duck your head back inside where you can enjoy the breeze and the smells without getting completely soaked. Now focus your senses on the rain. Hear it increasing in intensity and feel the spray as the wind blows it in the window. Hear it passing through the trees and falling on the ground or sidewalk outside.

Hear as the sound of the rain is magnified and all you hear is the pounding thundering rain all around you. Inhale and exhale remaining calm and restful as the rain fills your senses and gives you a sense of calming washing over your spirit and your soul. You feel the connection with the rain and it cleansing power. Just take a few moments to enjoy this sensation of the sound of the rain all around you in your ears and in your mind.

Notice now that the rain is beginning to subside… The sky is getting lighter and a few birds have ventured out and are singing in the trees as the rain slowly tapers off. Listen as the rain falls in a gentler softer way. The wind is gone and in its place is a cool fresh breeze that blows in through the window and lingers around your body. Feel the coolness. Relax and inhale this clean invigorating air. Notice that the sun is now beginning to shine from behind the clouds and the rays begin to warm the drooping flowers and plants. As the sun awakens the flowers, they begin to release their fragrances and the cool refreshing air is now filled with the smells and scents of beautiful flowers. Inhale and exhale the cool clean air.

Feel refreshed and revitalized as you become aware of your surrounding and return to your day. Know that you can stop anytime or anywhere that you wish and take part of this visualization in your imagination. Remember to find some moments each day to relax and renew your spirit and enjoy the natural environment around you- real or imagined.

Thanks for coming along with me on this Rain journey.

PolarB ;)

Posted by PolarB at 1:16 PM - 14 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Scam Alert
 

Like  you, I hate it when people forward bogus warnings. But, this one is important.  Please warn those you care about. 


If  someone comes to your front door saying they are  conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! IT IS A SCAM.  They only  want to see you naked.



I  wish I'd gotten this yesterday.  I feel so stupid now.

 

LOL!

PolarB ;)


Posted by PolarB at 7:40 AM - 28 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Nothing to say really....
 



I haven't felt like writing much but I am doing alot of reflecting lately....about alot of things... about who I am.... about my spirit.... about my physical body ..... about my direction.....

Still feeling alot of anxiety inside my body and it is not a good feeling. I am pretty sure it has something to do with the meds I am on...just really bidding my time and trying to stay busy with things...

Been so so tired and actually going to bed early-- last night I went to bed at 9:00 and overslept this morning... feeling tired again tonight so I dont have a whole lot to say...

Just wanted to post something so I thought you might enjoy the above picture... I do... She reminds me of Mother Earth in all her wonderful glory.... whatever she says to you,, just enjoy her.....

Love,
PolarB ;)
Posted by PolarB at 9:22 PM - 17 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Keeping busy...
 

Hey bloggers...

Trying to keep busy and not worry so much about my health stuff and the upcoming tests....feeling alot of anxiety about it so I am getting out and doing things to get my mind off of it...

Today and yesterday, Lovie and I worked outside in the yard clearing all the leaves away from the beds and trying to get them ready for all the new growth that is coming... saw lots of sprouts and the beginnings of buds everywhere. That excites and thrills me. The bleeding hearts are beginning their slow returns.. the rose stems are greening up, I see lilies peeping their heads out of the earth and it wont be long until everything is in full bloom. I will definately take some shots for ya.

I ran into a snake yesterday... Oh how I hate snakes! I screamed of course like a big sissy girl and ran while Lovie calmly and patiently picked it up with a rake and moved it from our work area... made me leery the rest of the time while we were working on the front island bed. It was a brown and beige snake with diamond designs about 17 inches long... small head with red tongue thingy that he had open the whole time... probably telling us he was pissed off that we disturbed his nice cozy home...We get a few every year but I still hate em even if they dont hurt you....

Today I cleaned out my herb beds and trimmed everything down to make way for new growth. That lavender and lemon thyme was so fragrent already and the chocolate and orange mints were quite aromic too already! Man do I ever love Spring!- It is my favorite season. We burned all the leaves and dead brush stuff in the big firepit and had a good hot fire going... felt so good to be outside and working out there. I even got a good start on my farmer tan... My neck is burnt and my arms too from my shirt sleeve down....ah just the beginning... I'll even it out as it gets warmer and we can open the pool.... Mama says she is gonna kick my butt with water arobics that she learned in Florida... I say bring it on and let the games begin!- LOL! Seriously- I will just love spending the time with her and having fun at the same time.... looking forward to a great warm season. So so so glad that winter is finally over and the warmer weather is finally here! Yah!

Well... since I was talking in my last post about having people around me that love me and support me... I wanted to post a few pics of Lovie and me because she really is the love of my life... we complete one another and I really am so glad she is part of my life and I share my life with her... I am lucky and do have people who care about me like her and my Mama Bear and a wonderful host of friends in my life and here on blogstream.- I love you all!

Enjoy!





and of course I have to post my Sophie Kitty... our furry child... she completes our family too!





Isn't she just precious? (Most of the time!)

Later gaters! Thank you for all your support!

Love to you all!
PolarB ;)
Posted by PolarB at 7:35 PM - 47 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
 Today...I am just me....
 


Hello bloggers....

Some days I have moments where I know that I am my birth parents daughter... It may be that moment that I pass by a mirror and get a glimpse of the past staring back at me... Some days I look so much like my father it is actually scary... It's almost as if he is staring back at me and it unnerves me for a split second. Then I come to my senses and it is just me staring back at my own reflection in the mirror.

The other day I was drinking a cup of herbal tea and I noticed my pinky finger was bent as I stirred my teabag around with a spoon. Funny thing is ...it was the exact same way my birth mother did it as she drank her tea.. We seem to pick up little traits and carry pieces of our parents with us like a fingerprint or a birthmark that is engrained within our DNA ... in small subtle ways...

I used to hate it so much that I wanted to change my whole identity and my name completely. I never did change my name but I did change my life. and now I do believe that I have come to accept it is me and it is just part of who I am. It is not my father looking back at me... It is only me.... It is not my mother stirring that spoon ....it is only me and how I do things in my own way... They are my own traits ....It belongs to me.

Recently I went to the doctor and have discovered that I have more inherited goodies from my lineage... I got an overdue physical and my EKG did not look as good as she had hoped it would. She sent me to a cardiologist and now I have to go in for testing for my heart over a two day period... with my father's history of open heart surgery in his 40's and dying at 52, along with my grandmother dying at 62, both from heart disease.... well.... unfortunately I may be following along that same trail unless I do something to change it. - I am heading on the flip side of 41 and it has not been very pleasant thinking of the alternatives. I have had severe chest pains in the past months and may have in fact already had some damage to my heart and or blockages .... but we will see for sure when the tests are done....

On the other side of this... I dont have to repeat history.... My father did not have anyone around him when he died, Actually my father spent the last of his days alone and miserable and I am guessing scared. Him being my main abuser, I had long ago separated myself from him ...escaped is more like it... I found out later that he carried my pictures in his worn wallet and talked about his little girl to anyone who would listen... It appeared that he mourned the loss of me...He had to live with knowing what he did to me for those 17 years and know that he was never going to see me again.

I remember calling one of my cousins one time and my father just happened to be there at their house and in a surprise to me....and boy was it but not in a good way... they put him on the phone. He told me he had open heart surgery recently, I think a triple bypass and I didn't say a whole lot... He asked me if I loved him and I wanted so bad to say no, but I couldn't...so I mumbled yes...then I got angry at myself afterwards because I was afraid of him still even over the phone hearing his voice. I was still giving my power away when I said yes I still love you....and hating every minute that I had to speak to him....

Then when my father died, I found he had died in his little shack by himself laying on the floor of a massive heart coronary... by the time the ambulance got there... they tried to work on him but it was too late....and there was contraversry then because of the way they found him. They thought he may have committed suicide until that was ruled out by the autopsy.... He had gangrene in both of his legs and was afraid of losing them...they had talked of amputating them because the gangrene was spreading. My father had always been a filthy man ...not only in his perverted actions but in his hygiene too... it was almost as if at his death the guilt of what he had done to me was eating him alive.... or maybe I would just like to think that and I have to say there at times I get satisfaction in that... because of the fear that he once made me feel day in and day out...maybe it was good for him to experience some of that fear.

I know that I am nothing like him and will never be like him. I know that even if I do have this family trait of heart disease I will not be alone and I have others around me that love me and will be there for me no matter what. I know that when it is time for me to die that I wont be lying on some stinking ass filthy floor with beer bottles and a bottle of drugs lying by my side around me while I lie in my own filth with diease and infection eating away at my flesh.

I am me and I make my own history...

I am a strong woman and I will deal with this in my own way...

I will have people in my life that will be there for me and love me and support me no matter what.

I will never ever have to feel alone again or fear that I am my father's daughter.

I am me.



PolarB ;)


Posted by PolarB at 3:43 AM - 22 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
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Author: PolarB
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